- what about the siblings?
22 Jul 2010 It rained today and rained and rained, but each of my families came in, a couple with extra children for whom there was no babysitter.
Of course, we often work with the whole family – any child operates within a family context – but I am constantly surprised by the number of problems people deal with alone. Today I met with five families. Family one brought the girl with the difficulties and her brother. He is very nice and, it turns out has trouble sleeping. At age 10, he often doesn’t sleep until 4 a.m. which causes the whole family a lot of concern. It seems that he finds trouble breathing and this aggravates him significantly. It isn’t easy to sleep when you know a little boy is still reading and playing on his X Box because he can’t sleep. The doctor has given him a nasal spray and we talked about him trying a milk-free diet briefly [this often reduces catarrh], sleeping with a number of pillows and using some sort of Vick. Maybe.
The third family has a boy who is being bullied at school, seems to have learning difficulties and has been attacked on the street. I knew the older sister was being bullied to the point of needing to change schools – I hadn’t realised that mum is on some sort of tranquillisers for her panic attacks which have been going on for years. Family number 4 has a son with Tourettes but also has a daughter they believe has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And the mother finds life very difficult as she struggles with feelings of guilt and the need to be the best mother in the world. The hyperactive daughter winds everyone up and can not keep friends – obviously a serious concern for her parents. The last family has another son who has just left school but still wets the bed which is a real worry for both him and his parents.
The second family has two sons, both lovely and kind and gentle, although one of them needs a lot of extra help. The mother is too kind for this sort of work and tends to believe that people will help as much as they are able and will do what they promise. I spent most of the session encouraging her – and by inference and implication – her sons to push harder for what they need and to be less accepting when fobbed off.
All these families brought problems over and beyond those for which they were referred. And yet, unless these difficulties are also addressed, the referred child has only a modest chance of improving. He is part of the whole family. As long as the family is worried about a sibling, or neighbours who bully them, or an inappropriate school, the child will continue to have difficulties. No man is an island, still less a child.
So I spoke to a School Welfare Officer, have made two appointments for siblings to discuss the referred child, and even had a brief chat about the parental relationship. How does one determine whether this is necessary or useful, or makes any difference? It is impossible to do a scientific study comparing one course of treatment with another. At least this way I feel that I have done my best. The families leave smiling, and the situation often improves because the other problems have been acknowledged.
Of course, we often work with the whole family – any child operates within a family context – but I am constantly surprised by the number of problems people deal with alone. Today I met with five families. Family one brought the girl with the difficulties and her brother. He is very nice and, it turns out has trouble sleeping. At age 10, he often doesn’t sleep until 4 a.m. which causes the whole family a lot of concern. It seems that he finds trouble breathing and this aggravates him significantly. It isn’t easy to sleep when you know a little boy is still reading and playing on his X Box because he can’t sleep. The doctor has given him a nasal spray and we talked about him trying a milk-free diet briefly [this often reduces catarrh], sleeping with a number of pillows and using some sort of Vick. Maybe.
The third family has a boy who is being bullied at school, seems to have learning difficulties and has been attacked on the street. I knew the older sister was being bullied to the point of needing to change schools – I hadn’t realised that mum is on some sort of tranquillisers for her panic attacks which have been going on for years. Family number 4 has a son with Tourettes but also has a daughter they believe has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And the mother finds life very difficult as she struggles with feelings of guilt and the need to be the best mother in the world. The hyperactive daughter winds everyone up and can not keep friends – obviously a serious concern for her parents. The last family has another son who has just left school but still wets the bed which is a real worry for both him and his parents.
The second family has two sons, both lovely and kind and gentle, although one of them needs a lot of extra help. The mother is too kind for this sort of work and tends to believe that people will help as much as they are able and will do what they promise. I spent most of the session encouraging her – and by inference and implication – her sons to push harder for what they need and to be less accepting when fobbed off.
All these families brought problems over and beyond those for which they were referred. And yet, unless these difficulties are also addressed, the referred child has only a modest chance of improving. He is part of the whole family. As long as the family is worried about a sibling, or neighbours who bully them, or an inappropriate school, the child will continue to have difficulties. No man is an island, still less a child.
So I spoke to a School Welfare Officer, have made two appointments for siblings to discuss the referred child, and even had a brief chat about the parental relationship. How does one determine whether this is necessary or useful, or makes any difference? It is impossible to do a scientific study comparing one course of treatment with another. At least this way I feel that I have done my best. The families leave smiling, and the situation often improves because the other problems have been acknowledged.