- Ben doesn't eat - oh no?
15 Jul 2010 Yesterday I went out to see Ben and his mum. Ben is still only seven and has had a number of problems. He had serious bowel difficulties and then meningitis. Not unreasonably his mum worries about this little boy almost constantly, trying to find a label for his problems and working out how best to help him. He came to me as possible Aspergers and it is agreed that his learning difficulties mean he can go to another school next term.
Mum and I talked, together with his NCH helper who takes him out twice a week. Mum expressed her concern about his eating – apparently some days he literally does not eat or drink at all. But the Consultant says he is growing well and that she should not worry.
Ben came in. He is a pretty blond boy and came in talking nineteen to the dozen, telling me all about StarWars. He did not seem shy and was keen to show me his light sabre. Then we went into the kitchen and got a yoghurt. He went back and fetched a pancake, and then began to search for another yoghurt. His mother was embarrassed, he doesn’t usually eat like this. Maybe he was showing off for me, maybe he was just hungry. Interestingly, his mum is quite a big lady, but his father and sister are both tall and very slim.
We then talked at length about systematising his eating. He clearly does eat – his growth is absolutely fine. But his mother needs to control this, and to help him to eat at regular times with the family. I suggested a chart for his days which defines regular meal times and expects him to join the family at the table. Like so many parents of children who have been very ill, she is desperate to cover every eventuality and keep him safe. And so she has let him develop poor social habits feeling probably that it is better that he eats when he feels like it than that he doesn’t eat at all.
Similarly, we discussed his habit of interrupting. She feels that he should not do this, but speaks to him saying ‘Not just now, Ben, wait a minute’. I suggested that she ignored him until she had finished talking and then asked what he wanted. She felt this was rude. But actually she wants him to grow up into the sort of boy who can fit in anywhere and be well-liked.
One of the hardest things is to watch seriously cute little boys turn into 8 year olds. A boy of 8 is rarely cute and often has no idea why the world has become so harsh. Ben’s mum has to prepare him for a world where he may not be instantly popular or loved. It’s a harsh lesson but I would rather she taught him than she allowed the world to do so.
Mum and I talked, together with his NCH helper who takes him out twice a week. Mum expressed her concern about his eating – apparently some days he literally does not eat or drink at all. But the Consultant says he is growing well and that she should not worry.
Ben came in. He is a pretty blond boy and came in talking nineteen to the dozen, telling me all about StarWars. He did not seem shy and was keen to show me his light sabre. Then we went into the kitchen and got a yoghurt. He went back and fetched a pancake, and then began to search for another yoghurt. His mother was embarrassed, he doesn’t usually eat like this. Maybe he was showing off for me, maybe he was just hungry. Interestingly, his mum is quite a big lady, but his father and sister are both tall and very slim.
We then talked at length about systematising his eating. He clearly does eat – his growth is absolutely fine. But his mother needs to control this, and to help him to eat at regular times with the family. I suggested a chart for his days which defines regular meal times and expects him to join the family at the table. Like so many parents of children who have been very ill, she is desperate to cover every eventuality and keep him safe. And so she has let him develop poor social habits feeling probably that it is better that he eats when he feels like it than that he doesn’t eat at all.
Similarly, we discussed his habit of interrupting. She feels that he should not do this, but speaks to him saying ‘Not just now, Ben, wait a minute’. I suggested that she ignored him until she had finished talking and then asked what he wanted. She felt this was rude. But actually she wants him to grow up into the sort of boy who can fit in anywhere and be well-liked.
One of the hardest things is to watch seriously cute little boys turn into 8 year olds. A boy of 8 is rarely cute and often has no idea why the world has become so harsh. Ben’s mum has to prepare him for a world where he may not be instantly popular or loved. It’s a harsh lesson but I would rather she taught him than she allowed the world to do so.