- the worry-wort
2 Mar 2010 A new boy – today. There seems to be a run of boys at the moment. Or maybe it’s because Mothers usually do the fretting and chasing to the doctors, and because Mothers worry perhaps more about their sons, that boys come our way. [ I have a theory that parents are more confused by the child of the opposite sex e.g. I was a girl once and therefore understand girls better, and have a bit less sympathy for girly problems, and vice versa.]
Anyway, Tom is lovely. He’s got charm and a super smile, is reasonably bright – and worries about everything! He is sensitive with a large capital S and spends far too much of his life caring about the feelings of others. His Mum is delightful and, not unreasonably, wants him to toughen up and occasionally put himself first.
A For Instance: Sammy is a girl in his class who has decided that he is her friend. She decides where he should sit, who he should play with and when. Tom doesn’t want to upset her and so goes along with this even though he enjoys refereeing for the football and is missing his friends who are boys. He worries that this and that will upset him and her and sometimes finds it hard to sleep. At least he still talks to his mum who can reassure him, if he allows her to. Tom is almost 10 and in a wheelchair.
Somehow this makes it harder. There are lot of considerations here. The wheelchair sort-of keeps him in one place and makes him vulnerable to children like Sammy. Like many children, he protects the people he loves and it may be that he is worrying about a number of genuine problems in his life that he won’t share with his parents lest it upsets them further. He is also quite conscious of his disabilities and is a perfectionist – he wants to do things well and is sometimes prohibited from achieving by the difficulty he finds with writing etc.
There is another problem that will arise shortly – a teacher in a school for children with physical disabilities said that at some point the children suddenly realise that there will not be a magic day when they wake up fit and healthy and playing sport. For a few days, the children are very quiet adjusting to this, he felt – and then they get on with it. The corollary of this, is that the parents suddenly realise that their child needs to become an independent person, and realise how much he may miss because of his disability. Then they feel bad and worry. It becomes a vicious circle.
In the end, my aim is to help all children to become independent or, at least, to organise their own help. Ideally away from home. And therefore to help his Mum toughen up Tom, make him fiercer with other children and kinder to himself.
Anyway, Tom is lovely. He’s got charm and a super smile, is reasonably bright – and worries about everything! He is sensitive with a large capital S and spends far too much of his life caring about the feelings of others. His Mum is delightful and, not unreasonably, wants him to toughen up and occasionally put himself first.
A For Instance: Sammy is a girl in his class who has decided that he is her friend. She decides where he should sit, who he should play with and when. Tom doesn’t want to upset her and so goes along with this even though he enjoys refereeing for the football and is missing his friends who are boys. He worries that this and that will upset him and her and sometimes finds it hard to sleep. At least he still talks to his mum who can reassure him, if he allows her to. Tom is almost 10 and in a wheelchair.
Somehow this makes it harder. There are lot of considerations here. The wheelchair sort-of keeps him in one place and makes him vulnerable to children like Sammy. Like many children, he protects the people he loves and it may be that he is worrying about a number of genuine problems in his life that he won’t share with his parents lest it upsets them further. He is also quite conscious of his disabilities and is a perfectionist – he wants to do things well and is sometimes prohibited from achieving by the difficulty he finds with writing etc.
There is another problem that will arise shortly – a teacher in a school for children with physical disabilities said that at some point the children suddenly realise that there will not be a magic day when they wake up fit and healthy and playing sport. For a few days, the children are very quiet adjusting to this, he felt – and then they get on with it. The corollary of this, is that the parents suddenly realise that their child needs to become an independent person, and realise how much he may miss because of his disability. Then they feel bad and worry. It becomes a vicious circle.
In the end, my aim is to help all children to become independent or, at least, to organise their own help. Ideally away from home. And therefore to help his Mum toughen up Tom, make him fiercer with other children and kinder to himself.