4 Sep 2008 Today one of the boys I am seeing mentioned that his grandfather had killed his grandmother. He mentioned it almost casually but then explained that he no longer spoke to this man, the man was crazy.
I am feeling a bit confused – I think I don’t know where to start. I looked things up on the Internet and it’s all true and very sad. The couple were devoted but she was beginning to develop all sorts of medical problems, and the impression was that he had either planned that they should die together or that he had wanted to save her from a very uncertain future. The man was pronounced unstable, but how does anyone cope with the aftermath of such an awful event?
A lot of work has been done about families where one parent killed the other. I have met several children where this had happened and the ramifications are tremendous. Not only has one parent become a serious villain, but usually one set of grandparents takes the children and almost inevitably talks about the murderer in a very negative way. [more]
I am feeling a bit confused – I think I don’t know where to start. I looked things up on the Internet and it’s all true and very sad. The couple were devoted but she was beginning to develop all sorts of medical problems, and the impression was that he had either planned that they should die together or that he had wanted to save her from a very uncertain future. The man was pronounced unstable, but how does anyone cope with the aftermath of such an awful event?
A lot of work has been done about families where one parent killed the other. I have met several children where this had happened and the ramifications are tremendous. Not only has one parent become a serious villain, but usually one set of grandparents takes the children and almost inevitably talks about the murderer in a very negative way. [more]
2 Sep 2008 It is always lovely to find out that things are going well. Conor’s mum came in after their holiday in Florida. This was our third meeting.
At the first Conor played a lot and clearly listened to every word I said. He came for his Anger Problems. He is 8. As we all spoke, it seemed that Conor got angry when things weren’t going his way. He also got angry because he wasn’t very good at school work, and his sister is, and she seems to find it easy to be a nice person. Apparently, when they got home, he turned to his parents and said: ‘Don’t think things will change. I’m the boss in this house’, which is almost funny.
His mother is amazing, and saw that things could not go on as they were, and she managed to pull father alongside. For her, the big breakthrough in doing and understanding came when she threatened Conor with No Cubs if he was naughty, and then didn’t let him go. Father was less impressed, particularly since Conor then trashed his room and needed help to tidy it up. But he too has been only saying what he could carry through, and the parents now only discuss the child when Conor is not there.
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At the first Conor played a lot and clearly listened to every word I said. He came for his Anger Problems. He is 8. As we all spoke, it seemed that Conor got angry when things weren’t going his way. He also got angry because he wasn’t very good at school work, and his sister is, and she seems to find it easy to be a nice person. Apparently, when they got home, he turned to his parents and said: ‘Don’t think things will change. I’m the boss in this house’, which is almost funny.
His mother is amazing, and saw that things could not go on as they were, and she managed to pull father alongside. For her, the big breakthrough in doing and understanding came when she threatened Conor with No Cubs if he was naughty, and then didn’t let him go. Father was less impressed, particularly since Conor then trashed his room and needed help to tidy it up. But he too has been only saying what he could carry through, and the parents now only discuss the child when Conor is not there.
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28 Aug 2008 One of the hardest things about working with children is determining how much of the problem lies in what particular arena. So many of the children have very real and multiple difficulties. So the child whose father left when he was a toddler, might also be struggling to deal with his ADHD or epilepsy, a difficulty with reading and his grandmother’s death. A teenager who is worried about his looks and future, has doubts about his sexuality and is really anxious about the direction his life should take. What is/should be the priority? Where should we start? Is the Mother’s worry more appropriate or valid than the child’s?
Justin has mild acne, diabetes, has been bullied and has just lost his Uncle in a car accident. The bullying was dealt with by a change of school but this has not been totally successful. He gets called ‘Gay’ by boys and girls he meets on the buses and has started, not unreasonably, to avoid public transport. [more]
Justin has mild acne, diabetes, has been bullied and has just lost his Uncle in a car accident. The bullying was dealt with by a change of school but this has not been totally successful. He gets called ‘Gay’ by boys and girls he meets on the buses and has started, not unreasonably, to avoid public transport. [more]
26 Aug 2008 There is an article in the newspaper today about the parents whose children died in the Chinese earthquake. It’s quite a shock after two weeks of Wow China and the glorious Olympics, to be reminded of other stories and the article itself points out that, without an independent Press, there is no-one to keep such matters in the forefront of a national conscience.
The fotos are bleak – a number of parents holding a large foto in front of their chest of their beloved children. And maybe it is worse – though who can say – if you only have one child and all your hopes and fears and pride are vested in that one child. Of course, for most of these parents, this was an only child. The article pointed out that these parents, whose lives had been devoted to being good citizens, who never challenged or argued with authority, who barely questioned that the government did what was best, were now desperate to find out what had happened to their children. They were so desperate that they were risking all sorts of things to argue with the people in charge. [more]
The fotos are bleak – a number of parents holding a large foto in front of their chest of their beloved children. And maybe it is worse – though who can say – if you only have one child and all your hopes and fears and pride are vested in that one child. Of course, for most of these parents, this was an only child. The article pointed out that these parents, whose lives had been devoted to being good citizens, who never challenged or argued with authority, who barely questioned that the government did what was best, were now desperate to find out what had happened to their children. They were so desperate that they were risking all sorts of things to argue with the people in charge. [more]
21 Aug 2008 I spent two day in Court this week with two boys I saw a couple of months ago. They admit that they had a fight with a man, but denied starting it and kicking him in the face. I had a three hour interview with each and believe that they did not do it. This comes from my familiarity with teenagers/adolescents but also with the really awful evidence given by others. Of course, I was not there – what do I know about what really went on!
The event happened some six months ago. The witnesses gave very different statement, and what they said in Court was very different to what they said immediately after the incident itself. Thus the boys were described as being anything from 5’6 to 6’1 [they are actually both well over 6’] and given clothing that included hoodies, baseball caps, tracksuits, jeans, gloves and jumpers. They apparently started a fight and kicked the victim in the face. The boys said that the man came out of the pub challenging them and admitted that they hit him. What confused me was [more]
The event happened some six months ago. The witnesses gave very different statement, and what they said in Court was very different to what they said immediately after the incident itself. Thus the boys were described as being anything from 5’6 to 6’1 [they are actually both well over 6’] and given clothing that included hoodies, baseball caps, tracksuits, jeans, gloves and jumpers. They apparently started a fight and kicked the victim in the face. The boys said that the man came out of the pub challenging them and admitted that they hit him. What confused me was [more]