Worked example - 1 question
Mrs Brown had joined helpmehelpmychild.com and completed the form. This showed that she and her husband lived in Abu Dhabi where he was involved in the Telecoms industry. They had lived abroad for several years but saw both sets of grandparents fairly often, although they lived in the UK. The family appeared to be settled.
The family had three children, twin girls of 11 and a boy of 8. All the children attended the British School. There were two cats. Meena, who was Filipino, came to the house daily to help with the children. Mrs Brown did not work.
Mrs Brown’s initial concern was Rory. She described him as an attractive, lively boy, who was bright and doing quite well academically.
Her major concern was that Rory was very physical with his sisters, often hurting them. She was not sure whether this was intentional, but feared it might be.
His behaviour overall was a problem. He was in difficulties socially at school and was hard work at home. She described aspects of his behaviour as follows:
• he did not concentrate on his work at school, completed tasks very quickly and then disturbed the others;
• he could be boisterous in the yard and had inadvertently hurt other children; he was not malicious;
• at home he felt left out by his sisters
My first hypothesis, based on my psychological formulation, was that Rory was unsure of himself, his abilities and his position within his world. He had low self-esteem and was trying to establish himself within the school context and also at home, where he perceived his sisters to be in a strong alliance against him.
2nd email: My questioning elicited further information – the twins were attractive, popular and capable as well as being academically successful. Rory had red hair he was embarrassed about, and had not been able to read fluently until he was 7. His father loved sailing and Rory tended to be afraid of open water, though the girls loved sailing.
This made me think that Rory felt inadequate. His sisters were sociable and clever – he was hearing in school ‘surely the twins aren’t your sisters?’ with the implication that he was not good enough. He was developing behaviours that marked him out as different, as well as expressing his anger and resentment.
3rd email: Mrs Brown gave some thought to how Rory’s confidence could be boosted, what activities he might share with his father – to develop some male bonding – and how they might discourage his more aggressive actions. I directed her to the paper on managing behaviour and felt that she could adapt some of those ideas, and she determined to give Rory a particular place within the family rather than as ‘the youngest’ or ‘the naughty one’.
4th email: Father had volunteered to start racing dune buggies – he had always thought it might be challenging, and it was something he could do as a beginner with Rory starting too. He realised that any activity had to happen fairly regularly, and that Rory had to be given a chance to participate, not just to observe his father being clever. The girls were not to be invited at this stage – though they would of course be included later if they wanted to join in – It was agreed that Mrs Brown was going to explain to them that this was something for Rory to do just with his father.
I suggested she talk to Rory about his aggressive behaviour and about what was acceptable and what punishments would be administered and when would they be felt necessary. We talked about what would be appropriate. Removing the dune racing from his options was not to be a punishment – this was an activity used to make Rory feel good.
There were several emails going into detail about his behaviour, the activities, responses at school etc.
8th email: Mrs Brown wrote to say that Rory was becoming pretty good with the dune buggies, and that he and his father very much enjoyed going together. His behaviour towards his sisters had improved and he seemed to be trying harder with his homework, although he still had to be reminded. School had reported that he was less aggressive in the playground. He seemed to be more confident with the other children. He had joined the school trampolining club, and was finding some success there.
Mrs Brown had grasped the concepts involved and felt she could confidently continue what we had started. She was trying to notice Rory's strengths and praising his success. The girls were happy and more aware of their behaviour - as a consequence they were including Rory in a very few activities, but they were also sometimes overtly praising Rory.
Rory seemed much happier. It was agreed that we could close the question.
The family had three children, twin girls of 11 and a boy of 8. All the children attended the British School. There were two cats. Meena, who was Filipino, came to the house daily to help with the children. Mrs Brown did not work.
Mrs Brown’s initial concern was Rory. She described him as an attractive, lively boy, who was bright and doing quite well academically.
Her major concern was that Rory was very physical with his sisters, often hurting them. She was not sure whether this was intentional, but feared it might be.
His behaviour overall was a problem. He was in difficulties socially at school and was hard work at home. She described aspects of his behaviour as follows:
• he did not concentrate on his work at school, completed tasks very quickly and then disturbed the others;
• he could be boisterous in the yard and had inadvertently hurt other children; he was not malicious;
• at home he felt left out by his sisters
My first hypothesis, based on my psychological formulation, was that Rory was unsure of himself, his abilities and his position within his world. He had low self-esteem and was trying to establish himself within the school context and also at home, where he perceived his sisters to be in a strong alliance against him.
2nd email: My questioning elicited further information – the twins were attractive, popular and capable as well as being academically successful. Rory had red hair he was embarrassed about, and had not been able to read fluently until he was 7. His father loved sailing and Rory tended to be afraid of open water, though the girls loved sailing.
This made me think that Rory felt inadequate. His sisters were sociable and clever – he was hearing in school ‘surely the twins aren’t your sisters?’ with the implication that he was not good enough. He was developing behaviours that marked him out as different, as well as expressing his anger and resentment.
3rd email: Mrs Brown gave some thought to how Rory’s confidence could be boosted, what activities he might share with his father – to develop some male bonding – and how they might discourage his more aggressive actions. I directed her to the paper on managing behaviour and felt that she could adapt some of those ideas, and she determined to give Rory a particular place within the family rather than as ‘the youngest’ or ‘the naughty one’.
4th email: Father had volunteered to start racing dune buggies – he had always thought it might be challenging, and it was something he could do as a beginner with Rory starting too. He realised that any activity had to happen fairly regularly, and that Rory had to be given a chance to participate, not just to observe his father being clever. The girls were not to be invited at this stage – though they would of course be included later if they wanted to join in – It was agreed that Mrs Brown was going to explain to them that this was something for Rory to do just with his father.
I suggested she talk to Rory about his aggressive behaviour and about what was acceptable and what punishments would be administered and when would they be felt necessary. We talked about what would be appropriate. Removing the dune racing from his options was not to be a punishment – this was an activity used to make Rory feel good.
There were several emails going into detail about his behaviour, the activities, responses at school etc.
8th email: Mrs Brown wrote to say that Rory was becoming pretty good with the dune buggies, and that he and his father very much enjoyed going together. His behaviour towards his sisters had improved and he seemed to be trying harder with his homework, although he still had to be reminded. School had reported that he was less aggressive in the playground. He seemed to be more confident with the other children. He had joined the school trampolining club, and was finding some success there.
Mrs Brown had grasped the concepts involved and felt she could confidently continue what we had started. She was trying to notice Rory's strengths and praising his success. The girls were happy and more aware of their behaviour - as a consequence they were including Rory in a very few activities, but they were also sometimes overtly praising Rory.
Rory seemed much happier. It was agreed that we could close the question.
