Other articles
Since 1997 I have been on the British Psychological Society Media List and have been phoned by any number of journalists about all manner of things. It's exciting and stimulating to have to update myself about all sorts of topics that don't often fall within my remit, though of course I refuse to talk about those subjects on which I have little expertise. The list below is a very small part of stuff I have been involved in.
I have spoken on many radio programmes on many stations: Radio 1 asked me about the wisdom of a mum leaving her new born baby behind when Noel Gallagher and his wife went off to New York for a few days. Radio 4 asked me about many topical issues on You and Yours, the News etc, Radio 5 about adolescence, discipline, behaviour etc. The Asian Network had me talking about Nursery Schools and some dolls offering an insight into sexuality. TalkSport grilled me on Physical Chastisement and children, but also discussed David Beckham taking his children to Spain. I spoke on Abu Dhabi radio about provision for disabled children, and on any number of local radio stations about any number of current topics. Ceefax, Teletext and The Press Association interview me regularly. All of this has vanished into the ether.
As has my starring role on BBC Watchdog, Healthcheck when I worked with the family of a small child who wouldn’t eat and another who couldn’t get her child to bed. And all sorts of small interviews on Breakfast TV, The News at 1, and the twice I appeared on Richard and Judy - they are tremendous fun. Google is quite random in what it comes across when crawling across the internet. You may note that one of the first references to me on Google is the only one to include an age - and it is very wrong!
I have contributed to articles in magazines as diverse as the Saga Magazine [older fathers], Family Circle [ giving in to children] and That's Life [lots of different things] and been interviewed by journalists large and small. I have been quoted in the People, the TImes, the Independent, the Sun, the Mirror as well as the Observer and the Sunday Timesand many local newspapers and small magazines. This is great as it's an opportunity to give back, and I am conscious of my good fortune in having been trained to be a Child Psychologist.
The following are a very few of the articles I have been involved in - luckily a friend archived some for me. Obviously, I have edited the material as the pieces were fairly long, but otherwise this is what was written and what I said - the two are not necessarily congruent.
More will be added as and when: Most recently: August 2010, This week I am participating in a discussion on Siblings on Radio 4's Woman's Hour. And was interviewed about how important it is for parents to become parents when they come home and to be available to their children. During my holiday several publications phoned contacts to check my number and then phoned me in Turkey - when they heard the foreign dialing tone, however, they put thephone down! I was asked on radio about the likely appropriate therapy for the two boys who have just been sentenced for the sexual assault on an eight year old girl; and on another occasion talked about whether names affect children. Is being called Andromeda going to change your life?
The Sunday Times discussed at length the sort of parties teenagers aspire to - how much money they cost and how ambitious they are, and Why!
A local newspaper asked my opinion of the use of segregated areas for youth, apparently now provided in the form of large shelters to keep naughty adolescents away from ordinary people.
The new film Where the Wild Things Are sends parents into a ...
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist working in the NHS, says all cultures invent narratives that scare children a little and then comfort them. ...
Why do sports days turn so many parents into monsters ...
Why do sports days turn so many parents into monsters? Joanna Moorhead on some highly unsporting behaviour. ... 28 November 2008 How ridiculous - I hadnt realised how long it has been since I have added to this. And probably can't remember most of the stuff I have done. I know there were phone-ins on BBC Radio 5 [one, at midnight , which I did from the comfort of my own home, and another , also at midnight, which required me to go into the studio and come home through an empty town at 1 in the morning.] I am writing my regular column for the magazine Thats Life, contributing to articles in magazines like Pick-Up, Junior, Mother and etc on a fairly regular basis. The Asian Network of the BBC interviews me and I did a rather strange interview with a New York radio station, and did not do another with Connexions, apparently a station for the French Speaking Communities of the UK. As always, I am asked about an amazing range of topics to do with children, but that is tremendous fun. One of the advantages of getting older is that I have been involved now in such a range of issues with such a range of children and families that I know quite a lot about very many things January 2007 a very nice woman phoned from Junior Magazine to talk about how to socialise small children. Are some children born sociable? Yes. Does it matter?Possibly. Can you do anything about it? probably 10 January 2007 I have been terribly remiss with this column. Last year saw very many articles about Madeleine McCann, the little girl who was snatched from holiday in Portugal, and I contributed to several. They asked how she might be feeling, how her parents were feeling [!!!]. Journalists asked me how they could reassure parents to behave normally with their children on holiday and I told them. I also made a memorable contribution to Sky saying that I believed that the parents would have considered that Maddy might be dead, and had a few emailed responses saying I was cruel and heartless. Later in the year, they asked why I felt that the popularity of the name had plummeted in the baby name charts - from 77th. Other people obviously asked about other things. Radio 5 talked to me a few times , including radio interviews in Spain. Each time this was in response to a transitory news story: children are more violent/less responsible/more anxious - discuss.
The new film Where the Wild Things Are sends parents into a ...
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist working in the NHS, says all cultures invent narratives that scare children a little and then comfort them. ...
Why do sports days turn so many parents into monsters? Joanna Moorhead on some highly unsporting behaviour. ... Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist in the NHS, says the mantra is ...
From schoolgirl to siren ... why 13-year-olds go wild | World ...
A new film explores what the headlines have been trumpeting: teenage girls are growing older younger. ... Ruth Coppard, who has spent the past 30 years working as a child ...
What to tell worried kids | The Sun |News
A TOP child psychologist with advice on how to ease your childrens fears ... Ruth Coppard advised: "If children are asking what happened then parents should ...
All work, no play - Telegraph
Passing your exams need not mean becoming a neurotic workaholic, says Sarah Lonsdale ... as we do," says child psychologist Ruth Coppard. " Most adults will get home from work ...
Do the right thing | Education | guardian.co.uk
How to see your child through the exam period ... You can't make teenagers work," says Ruth Coppard, an NHS child psychologist based in Barnsley. " But they ...
Stabbed Tom ap Rhys Pryce parents' incredible act of ...
In a remarkable act of forgiveness the parents of lawyer Tom ap Rhys Pryce, murdered near his home by teenage muggers, donated money to the school of one their son's ...
My daughter, my rival | Life and style | The Guardian
It's not uncommon for a teenage girl to be attracted to an older man. ... Ruth Coppard, who has a grown-up daughter, is a child psychologist for Barnsley NHS trust. ...
Stress-free exams: the parents' guide - Telegraph
As teenagers begin to revise for A-levels, families, too, may face testing times. ... counterproductive," says educational psychologist Ruth Coppard. " Most children know they ...
Your letters: Tell us what you think | Life and style | The ...
Ruth Coppard Sheffield. It's refreshing to note that a high-earning Hollywood star such as John Cusack retains such a grounded sense of social justice ...
Last Borns Just Want to Have Fun
First-born children are more stable and middle children become hippies, finds Amy Iggulden. ... "Parents just have to value every child for who they are," says Ruth Coppard. ...
Gift rap | Education | The Guardian
All parents want their kids to do well, but a truly exceptional ... As educational psychologist Ruth Coppard suggests, "Some so-called child prodigies are little more than the ...
How parents can pass the exam test - Telegraph
Website of the Telegraph Media Group with breaking news, sport, business, latest UK and world news. ... Child psychologist Ruth Coppard urged me to keep things in proportion. ...
Little support for refugees on streets of London | World news ...
The rest of his family had been killed or lost following an attack by the Janjaweed militia last year. ... One protester, Ruth Coppard, from Sheffield, a child psychologist who ...
Your letters: Tell us what you think | Life and style | The ...
Ruth Coppard Sheffield. It's refreshing to note that a high-earning Hollywood star such as John Cusack retains such a grounded sense of social justice ...
Last Borns Just Want to Have Fun
First-born children are more stable and middle children become hippies, finds Amy Iggulden. ... "Parents just have to value every child for who they are," says Ruth Coppard. ...
Gift rap | Education | The Guardian
All parents want their kids to do well, but a truly exceptional ... As educational psychologist Ruth Coppard suggests, "Some so-called child prodigies are little more than the ...
How parents can pass the exam test - Telegraph
Website of the Telegraph Media Group with breaking news, sport, business, latest UK and world news. ... Child psychologist Ruth Coppard urged me to keep things in proportion. ...
Little support for refugees on streets of London | World news ...
The rest of his family had been killed or lost following an attack by the Janjaweed militia last year. ... One protester, Ruth Coppard, from Sheffield, a child psychologist who ...The Guardian
This week, I have spoken to two journalists from the Times about a] why children enjoy dressing up? and is it the same for adults, and b] what to say when your 7 year old asks you what a Chav is? I wish I knew. 23 April 2007 so many contributions to the greater knowledge of the world since last time. Today was a jolly day. Some MP , energised by a letter from some 100 medics has suggested that television viewing should be reduced for children. He suggests that under threes should watch no television at all, up to 12 it should be something like 30 minutes a day etc etc. And that children should certainly have no television in their bedrooms. Real Radio came down to talk to me about it - they are the people who always do interviews live and face-to-face - and then I spoke on Asian Network. I believe quite strongly that too much screen time is not good for kids, and this followed on nicely from an earlier uproar about a) teachers are now able to physically manhandle children and b) why are kids cheeky when they use television catch phrases? I think the media has a responsibility to support their mission to entertain with some details about how to parent. If each soap just added little vignettes about a child coming in and doing homework, or getting told off for earning a detention, a number of parents would feel braver about saying the same sort of thing.So today during both the interview and discussion I said quite a bit about life being much bigger than the media, but pointing out that life is much harder since children are not permitted to go out to play so readily. My son was amused by some of the suggestions - he felt that since he had suffered by not being allowed a television in his bedroom and unlimited watching, neither should they!!! I then did an interview for the Telegraph about exams, and how can parents help. It's that time of year again - think lilac blossom, hay fever and revision. Poor things.2 August 2006
There was a barren spell when I wondered whether my name had somehow been lost from the system and then it all started up again. Loads of interviews with loads of people about loads of things. I have spoken to numbers of radio stations about should teachers be given lessons in how to modulate their voices for children in order to be less boring, should Nurseries in Scotland be more structured with children being taught to read and write at pre-school, should english children be taught how ot use an emotional vocabulary - how important is it for kids to be able to explain themselves when they are upset or angry? Should parents listen more? whatcan they do with children over the long summer holidays?I also spoke to newspapers and magazines about Twins and did something on Social Phobias. In between we have presented our research findings at one Conference and are signed up for another, and have discussed that on local television, where we have also talked about asylum issues and the ongoing trauma of asylum seekers who have seen death and destruction of a type I can not even imagine. A busy life, but making psychology accessible is fun and important.
28 April 2006
We're moving into exam season again and I have answered a lot of questions about exam stress for a number of publications. I think my big plea is for people to get it into perspective. Exams happen and sometimes people do less well than they hoped to. BUT exams can always be taken again, or taken later. There are always adjustments that can be made if things go wrong. I also discovered in conversation that I dont believe in paying for exam results - if parents offer £10 for each A and it is absolutely beyond the child to achieve that, then it will be unkind not to pay the child, if he have tried as hard as they possibly can.
The more fun conversation was with Radio5 where we talked about a parental misunderstanding of new legislation and educational suggestion which has led parents to phone teachers in the evening to ask for help in encouraging the child to finish his tea, or get off the trampoline etc. Tee hee.
5 March 2006
Two long conversations with journalists from TopSanté this week. The first girl wanted to talk about 5 Top Tips for parents when dealing with their children. The second wanted to clarify what had been said. What was striking was that both young women were about 24 and had no real experience of children beyod their own childhood. The second was particulary keen to find some stats that would confirm that being consistent withyour children would make them nice human beings. I pointed out that there are so many variables involved that its impossible to achieve a genuine, random Controlled trial - but she only believed me when I found a Meta-Analysis of similar studies that showed that of the almost 1500 studies fewr than 80 came anywhere close to meeting good scientific criteria. Possibly the only thing harder than being a parent is studying a group of them!!! But they promised me a copy of the magazine, which will be nice!
23 February 2006
Real radio interviewed me today. They are the people who like to do a Live Interview and therefore come to work or home, because it sounds more realistic. Which is fine. Apparently a report from the Netherlands says that dpressed and anxious children are more likely to take Ecstacy later. Which might accurately reflect their research, but also reflect a different time. They were studying children born from about 1979, and the world is a little different now. Interesting thought though, does depression predispose to taking Ecstacy? or does taking Ecstacy possibly make you depressed?
22 February 2006
Since then, 'they' have asked my opinions on all sorts - and I am happy to oblige. I have spoken on the radio about liars - some woman has kept her lottery win , is this right? well, Yes and No. It all depends really on why she has done it and whether she can keep the secret for long enough.
I was aked about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and whether I believed in it? That is a definite Yes, at least as defined in Britain. We have about 3% of children with ADHD, while the Americans have 10% and rising. Our kids have brain scans which look different from those of other children suggesting a very real difference.
Then there was the interview about Independence in the Sunday Times
last week.
Keeping adolescents in a state of childlike innocence and dependency is a recent historical phenomenon; 200 years ago, children were not only dressed as miniature adults as soon as they could walk and talk but expected to work, and to marry in their teens. Now, though many children do not even leave home until their twenties, they regard themselves as grown up and entitled to keep secrets from the moment they become teenagers. Not telling your parents anything about your life at school, your friends or your feelings has become an act of self-definition. “Children need to keep secrets from parents because as they grow up they move increasingly towards independence,” says Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist and the founder of www.helpmehelpmychild.com. “That’s right and proper. “However, a lot of parents are not very good at allowing their children independence. It’s partly because parents always feel guilty about not doing well enough at bringing up their children, and partly that they don’t have as much time for children as before. “And more than in the past, people protect their children from all kinds of things they regard as dangerous. In the Brownies, children of seven are expected to be able to make a cup of tea, but the world is full of people who won’t let a child go anywhere near boiling water at 11.” We have unprecedented means to spy on our children through their mobile phones, which can not only keep track of where they say they are but, as was revealed last week, can be used in conjunction with the internet to pinpoint exactly where they are on a map. Not that this is likely to do much to reassure parents: the law has ensured that we can look, but have no means of intervening in what could most affect our children’s future.
A journalist from the Observer spoke with me about the very brilliant eight year old from the USA who is writing novels and is a voracious reader. She has read Candide (!!, although she may not have absolutely understood it) and wants to share her love of reading with other children. This has apparently gone down very well in America, but I am not convinced that all children would welcome this.
Perhaps the most, slightly bizarre discussion was an interview about Finnish research which says that all generations should play together on swings, roundabouts etc and is marketing 'family' playgrounds. That sounds like fun.
9 October 2005
The WebMaster says I am adding too much here, so.... Briefly. Last week offered a very exciting day when I was, firstly, speaking on BBC Radio 5Live phone-in and the on BBC3 News. The first was in reference to the 12 year old girl who had almost killed a small boy who was annoying her, and the discussion was around what punsihments were appropriate at that age. My concern was that most older criminals have some trauma in their past and we need to address the traumas of children in order to prevent disasters of the future. For this, we will need more psychologists - currently children locally are having to wait several months for an appointment after eg their father has killed himself.
The BBC 3 item concerned the 15 year old girl golfer who is turning pro
and how will she handle it? Good fun to do but there are, of course, no definitive answers.
I also then did a live interview for Real Radio - this is a local station which had discovered Nature Deficit Syndrome. Children now are becoming increasingly isolated by their electrical toys, to the point where parents protect them by allowing them to stay at home and play, and communicate by MSN rather than by playing on real grass and in real woods. This brings up lots of issues, as well as the horrible prospect of all those science fiction stories I read when young coming true - we shall become nations of individuals living in little pods and communicating entirely by machine. No Food, no touch, no anything.
23 August 2005
I've been sort of losing track. There was the Journalist from Mental Health magazine, which has the same phone number as the magazine Best, surprisingly, and someone from the Daily Telegraph. Also someone fromChannel 4 checking out a programme idea about the psychological development of a child - linked to celebrity anecdotes. I'm not sure it works like that. We tend to develop sequentially but no-one could say 'at 7years 3months a child develops a certain level of empathy and won't laugh when Luna's knickers fall down'. I suggetsed they do it the other way round. Find out a lot of anecdotes, group them in ages and then add the psychology.
A lady phoned about a discussion on Woman's Hour regarding behavioural management and techniques, but I agreed with the main speaker which wouldnt make good radio.
And today I was the interviewee for a disucssion on Birth Order. A big Study in Norway suggests that First Born tend to do better - for alll sorts of reasons. I am and I did, but it was fun to say so out loud!!!
July 2005
Very interesting discussion with a woman from the magazine Bliss. She was writing about Mums and Daughetrs and wanted toknow how to reply to the girl: whose mum was her best friend, wanted to share her clothes, fancied the same boys etc. Girl 2 had a mum who didnt allow her to do anything! at all but dictated bedtimes and homework etc, and Girl 3, whose Mum embarrassed her to bits by going into Boots and discussing her periods and what supplies would be suitable
Talk Sport 17.7.2005
Long and fascinating discussion around the girl who has admitted tieing a small boy to a tree by his neck. What meakes some children do this sort of thing? how culpable are parents? what responsibility should the media take?
Calendar - alocal TV news programme July 2005
A discussion re bullying - what sort of people bully? is it worse than it used to be? Are things changing? getting worse? Will adults take responsibility for child behaviour?
The Guardian 29.6.2005
An article by Joanne Moorhead discussed competitiveness in childhood and beyond.... finishing thus:
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist in the NHS, says the mantra
is that we should value the child we have rather than the child
we crave. "Help your child to appreciate the strengths he or she
has got - it's important to help your son or daughter do the best
they can do, but you need to realise that their best probably
won't be the world-beating best," she says. "No child who does
their best is a failure, and parents should realise that."
She admits, though, that few parents are immune to the bug of
parental competitiveness, and confesses to having been drawn
into it from time to time herself. "One of my children has just
graduated and you mention degree classes and grades and so
on," she says. "Parents just are competitive. In a way, our
children are the one thing we have really got to boast about."
Readers Digest July 2005
An article adapted from the American version, discussed the pros and cons of older children coming home to an empty house. I am quoted as being quite in favour of giving children some independence, as long as the kids still can access their parents easily and do not feel
frightened.
The Vanessa programme BBCLondon June 2005
This began as a discussion about Happy Slapping - that phenomenon where children attack each other, film it on their phones and then pass it on. I feel strongly that this sort of thing begins with the media's approval of bizarre behaviour - children might dream of smacking each other for fun, but the Tango adverts gave an apparent respectability. It was an interesting discussion with Vanessa quite defensive and people phoning in in my support!!
The Express Magazine 29.5.2005
An interesting article on how to help your children make their own fun at half-term. ....she feels TV and Computer games are also to blame,' It's far too easy now just to turn on the television but that is essentially a passive, solitary activity. During downtime with other children, you learn to tolerate, you are learning the rules of engagement and the skills of negotiation' . Th earticle goes on to suggest a host of different activities in which you caninvolve children.
Radio Five Live 13.5.2005
Discussion on the Brian Hayes programme on preparing for exams - how to work appropriately and minimise stress.
The Daily Express: 9.5 2005
I'm going to make my baby a genius
Jo Moulds
This article concerns itself with parents who offer even very tiny children a whole range of activities - baby yoga, baby gym, baby French and even baby Japanese......
But is hothousing your toddler a good idea?
........... Ruth says: you have to be careful how much information you pump into a child - and how tired you make them. It is easy for a child to misinterpret the intentions of the parent and they should not be made to feel they have 'failed' at this young age.
I think it has far more to do with parents competing with each other to have the brightest and most gifted child. ........
So how much information beimg drilled into today's toddlers is taken in anyway? Ruth says: At this age a child can absorb an enormous amount of information but it's a question of whether they can deal with, process or retain it.
Many children can count before they are two or three but they are simply repeating the sounds - they don't understand what it means.
Toddlers will happily repeat words in a foreign accent and can mimic the accent better because they are not self-conscious,' Ruth adds.
'But they have no idea about the concept behind it. The only way it helps them is once they are older because the words will feel familiar.
The key, Ruth says, is to keep any learning fun. 'The problems lie in parents taking these activities too seriously and introducing the concept of success or failure, which puts too much pressure on a young child. It's fine to let them say the words of a foreign language, but wrong to become cross with them if they make a mistake.......That can make children far too anxious....
What is important is allowing children to socialise and learn how to take their turn......There is a lot to be said for giving children space to play. Sometimes they should be left alone safely toplay with their toys and make up games using their imaginations. That will stand them in far better stead thanteaching them Japanese.
The Times: 28.3.2005
Siege mentality in the bathroom
Monica Porter
Never live in a home with just a single bathroom if you want a happy, harmonious family
.........................................Is all this inevitable? According to David Spellman, a psychologist at Burnley General Hospital in East Lancashire, who specialises in adolescent behaviour, the bathroom is an inevitable “hot spot” in domestic life. “It’s an intimate space which is about people’s bodies and other sensitive issues that are magnified during adolescence. If teenagers obsess about their appearance, it’s because they are developing their sense of self as individuals. The bathroom is where much of this takes place; it’s no wonder they spend so much time there.”
Sharing a bathroom requires co-operation and other social skills that take time to develop. “Anything happening in the bathroom needs to be seen in the broader context of family rules — what is acceptable and what is not. You might need to set time limits on use of the bathroom. Some families require more regimentation than others; some need recourse to a carrot-and-stick system. It’s all about finding ways of living together: a difficult challenge for us all.”
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist (visit www.helpmehelpmychild.com ), suggests making sure that your teenager has access to a mirror and hairdryer somewhere other than in the bathroom. “My daughter had a sink in her room, which made such a difference. You can also try to timetable use of the bathroom; for instance, if you always want to have a bath at 10pm, your children have to leave the bathroom free. Of course, the crisis will come when your teenage daughter decides she wants to go out — but must wash her hair first.”
Another problem is the way your teenager will almost absent-mindedly use up communal products or, more irritating perhaps, have a go at your more expensive ones.
But, says Spellman, “there are worse things in life. No one’s getting killed. And some families enjoy a good scrap — they find it invigorating, it gives them an emotional buzz.”
I never enjoyed the scrapping, mainly because I never won. But the solution presented itself finally several years later when my partner and I bought a house together. He was keen on a garage and a garden. What I wanted was bathrooms, lots of them. And now we’ve got four . . .
The Times: Parent Forum is a weekly column where parents write to ask about particular issues they have. They seek advice from a number of professionals from different backgrounds. Here are some of those I have been involved with:
Parent forum 21.2.2005
My two-year-old daughter fights constantly with her cousin of the same age, and we’ve had to trim her fingernails to stop her from scratching him. It’s starting to strain relations between me and my sister as well.
If the children genuinely dislike each other, little can be done — it is uncommon but possible, but there is really no reason why all children should like one another. However, what is more likely is that they have developed a relationship in which your daughter has power and reinforces it physically. You could start to change it by offering a new activity and observing both children like a hawk. Intervene the minute you feel it might become physical with the suggestion of an alternative activity, and give copious praise whenever either child is kind/helpful/friendly to the other. This makes the friendly option much more attractive. And, of course, limit your daughter’s power to hurt — keep her nails trimmed and keep her away from things she might use as a weapon.
Ruth Coppard,child psychologist,
There is nothing more likely to upset the relationship between siblings than the behaviour of their offspring. My sister and I are extremely close yet fell out seriously over the way our children interacted — my niece wouldn’t leave my son alone, while he whinged incessantly and loudly about hating her. Each parent clearly thought the other’s child was at fault, and it got so fraught that for many months we avoided seeing each other. My sister offered the olive branch by calling to say that she knew her child could be a pain, and I then had to concede that mine was, too. You need to steel yourself, and try to talk to your sister about this, before the situation deteriorates. Remind her that at the age of 2, this is not the beginning of the end, but just a passing phase.
Name and address supplied
The Times: Parent Forum 16.08.2004
The question:
Our daughter,14, feels it unfair that her twin sister can wear contact lessons. What can we do?
Among the answers from 'experts':
One twin may develop a tolerance to contacts later on but, for now, this is a good time for the girls to realise that they are not mirror images of each other. The key challenge of adolescence is coming to terms with your individual strengths and weaknesses, developing your own identity. Therefore, you should not attempt to treat your daughters as if they were the same.
Ruth Coppard, child psychologist, Yorkshire
The Times:Parent Forum 27.10.2003
My children, aged 3 and 5, are asking about death. How should I
respond?
Ruth Coppard, child psychologist, Barnsley Primary Care Trust
Children of this age do have a concept of death and understand that things finish and do not come back in a physical form. If they ask: “What is death?” you can explain that everything that lives eventually dies and does not come back. If a grandparent were to die, you could say: “Granny isn’t coming back, but she is now a star.” By helping them to fix their attention on something distant but intangible, you give them a practical focus for their love.
______________________
I used to be the child psychologist on the Cable Channel Wellbeing. This was a joint venture between Boots Chemists and Granada. I featured every other week, talking about concerns of the viewers with the parents concerned and the presenter: depression in adolescence, Multiple births, behavioural management etc . It was fun.
There were also phone-ins and this interactive 'chat' with parents.
Wellbeing.com - Live Chat
Transcript of chat with Ruth Coppard
Wellbeing's resident Psychologist joined us to answer your questions about child behaviour as well as overcoming death and bereavement.
Hello and welcome to the Wellbeing.com live chat auditorium. Today we will be chatting live with Ruth Coppard. Ruth is a Child Psychologist who you may recognise from Wellbeing TV. She is a Child Psychologist who claims to have "far too many years of experience - and two children". She will be able to answer your questions about your child's mental, emotional, educational and social development. She may also be able to answer your more general questions.
lilly: How long did you have to study to be qualified?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Three years for a first degree, and then one year for a teaching qualification and after two years teaching another degree. Then I did an advanced diploma in Educational Psychology and now I'm doing a Doctorate.
Misty: Do you know makes a child so aggressive when neither of their parents or family are? He's only 9 and so defensive and argumentative.
->Ruth Coppard replies: Many children practice their language by arguing and discussing with their parents. Some parents handle it better than others, some parents find it cute and the children tends to continue. If a child realises that behaving in this way brings a lot of attention then he is more likely to go on doing it. And some children are just naturally more argumentative and aggressive than
others.
Janice: What do you think about smacking children? I was smacked when I behaved badly as a child and I don't believe it did me any harm at all. Do you think the recent issues raised about this issue are extreme exhalations from the PC brigade!?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Briefly smacking is a tremendous relief for parents and may be effective on a small child. I am talking of a quick smack on hand or leg rather than anything more. Bribery is usually far more effective and punishments like restricting pleasures - tv, playing out etc - work well.
YTYT: In your experience is there any link with an early childhood experiences and stammering? I have a stammer, and I have no recollection of any major occurrence, that could have triggered it? Any ideas?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Far more boys than girls stammer and it seems unlikely that they all suffered major trauma. It seems to be a weakness in some people that may be triggered at a certain age by something relatively minor.
bluebell: Would you say that children behave the way they do because they are born that way or is it because of the environment they are brought up in?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Day old babies in hospital present very differently. Some are alert, some angry, some sleepy, some hungry etc. I believe that personalities are largely hard-wired, but modified by our experiences through life so some children are born shy and we can help them to be braver by the way they are brought up.
On today's programme, Ruth spoke primarily about death and bereavement.
Although it's an uncomfortable topic for many, it is something that we will all have to deal with at one time or another in our lives. We do have lots of questions coming in from you about death and bereavement, so we're going to speak with Ruth about these topics for a few minutes before returning to more general questions...
Ron: What are the patterns that normally occur in people, after they have suffered a bereavement. i.e. What is it normal to feel?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Nothing is normal about reacting to a bereavement, we each react individually according to our own personality and experience and our relationship to who ever died. Stages are usually shock, searching, anger, depression, resolution and then sometimes guilt or regret for things not done.
HarrietWalter: Do you think that a person can prepare themselves for the eventual death of a close relative and lessen the pain, and loss when it actually happens?
->Ruth Coppard replies: No. My mother was dying for a month and I thought I was prepared but it was still a shocking event. It's like when people pretend to be dead and shut their eyes, we know its not true. Imagining that some body is not there is not genuinely possible.
Sheila: My friends have just lost their father suddenly to an aortic aneurysm, and he was only 55. Do you have any advice or help I can try to instill in them to help them come to terms with this dreadful loss?
->Ruth Coppard replies: A sudden death is difficult to come to terms with and sometimes people find themselves reliving the time about the death and funeral rather than remembering the person they loved and valued and the fun they had together. Give them a chance to talk, again and again, and be happy to share your memories with them. There are some inspirational poems and writings which some people find helpful.
Chyna: Do you ever get depressed, due to dealing with people's problems all the time?
->Ruth Coppard replies: It can be depressing to be made aware of things some people have been through but it is wonderful to be able to help and make a difference.
Thank you for joining our live chat with Ruth Coppard. We only have time to
answer a couple more questions. We're sorry if we haven't been able to get to your question today, but Ruth has just told us that she would love to do more of these in the near future - so hopefully she'll be back soon!
Helen_Patterson: My child is bullied at school, as he has slightly sticking out ears? He is normally an outgoing and gentle boy, but he is becoming more withdrawn and aggressive when taken issue with. Do you have any advice?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Children will always be teased for being different. If its a sufficiently significant physical difference it might be worth considering surgery.
Otherwise your son needs to develop techniques to deal with this, humour is good, ignoring the teaser may well help and sometimes just accepting the criticism deflates the bully. 'Big ears' 'yes you're right'.
Thank you for joining our live chat today with Ruth Coppard. You can see more of Ruth on the Wellbeing TV Channel and, hopefully, we'll get her to come back online with us sometime soon to answer more of your questions. We have time for just one more question before Ruth has to wave goodbye...
caroline: Have you ever dealt with some impossible children who were ubable to be helped at all?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Children live within an environment and although I can help to change some aspects of life, other things happen that are absolutely beyond anyone's control. A parent loses a job, becomes irritable, the shortage of money, leads to a lot of arguing - I may have been able to help a child deal with his temper in the first place but subsequent events might make it very difficult for things to stay 'solved'.
Thank you to everyone who joined us today here at Wellbeing.com. Thank you, Ruth, for joining us today. Those of us here in the chat studio have found this really informative and useful.
Ruth waves and shouts through the door as she runs off to the TV studio, "I hope I'll be able to answer more questions soon and would welcome the opportunity to give longer responses."
_________________________________
In Spring every year, journalists phone to ask how to help children and young people deal with exams. August every year, journalists phone to ask how to help children and young people deal with exam results…………….
The Telegraph 23.02.2002 All work, no play
Passing your exams need not mean becoming a
neurotic workaholic, says Sarah Lonsdale
EMMA FACER is a bright, hardworking sixth-former,aiming for a trio of Bs or better in this summer's Alevel exams. She did very well in her AS levels last summer, but at a heavy price. She would often study until midnight, grabbing a few hours sleep before rising at six to do a bit more work before her school bus came at 7.30am. A heavy schedule for any 16-year-old child, particularly one with a part-time job as well. "Looking back, I wonder how I managed to keep it up," she says. "I just got into a rhythm and kept going. But it hit me when the exams were over." Emma's mother Linda says she has raised the issue of excessive pressure with Emma's teachers at the Chaucer Technology School in Canterbury. ….All teachers love a conscientious pupil, but the growing pressure to achieve, combined with the introduction of AS levels, which has put an end to the once-welcome drop in pace between GCSEs and A levels, is turning many children into anxious workaholics. Some child psychiatrists also blame pushy parents who not only drive their children into a frenzy of competitiveness but who, by introducing too many after-school activities, offer a child no choice but to catch up with homework well into the evening. Dr Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?, a book that took the US by storm last year, argues that an over-anxious, over-achieving child is very often the child of parents who play Mozart to it in the womb and expose the poor thing to alphabet flashcards before its first birthday.
"The bottom line is that children need a break just as much as we do," says child psychologist Ruth Coppard. "Most adults will get home from work between six and seven, pour themselves a drink and relax in front of the television. Why should our
children, having had a full day at school and two hours of after-school activities, then have to go upstairs and do two or three hours of homework. It's just not fair."
Ms Coppard, who has worked with children on exam stress, says the problem of workaholic children is getting worse, and children are becoming affected at a younger age. She adds that parents should not necessarily look to schools for reassurance. "Schools have their own pressures of league tables, and it is hardly in their interest to tell the hardest-working section of the school community to take its foot off
the accelerator," she says.
What to do if your child is becoming a workaholic
l Help them with time management: if a particularly lengthy project will gain them, say, only seven percent of the entire marks for a subject, help them appreciate that more work will not necessarily mean a higher grade.
l Try to encourage them to believe more in their own abilities and that extra hours of homework will not necessarily improve their marks.
l Cut out unnecessary after-school activities: they are never going to be a concert pianist/judo blackbelt and hate lessons anyway. Free up a bit of space.
l Relax about work matters yourself: if you are always rushing about under pressure and coming home late from work, you will not be a helpful role model.
l Remember that childhood is not just about getting good grades at school. Let them see that having fun and enjoying being young is just as important as a place at Oxford or Cambridge.
________________________________________
Parents' guide to surviving GCSEs
By Katherine Sellgren
BBC News Online education staff
Is the stress building up?
As the waiting game draws
to an end and teenagers
discover how they have
fared in their GCSEs, how
can parents survive the
experience?
With the clock ticking down to
results day, teenagers may be
feeling understandably touchy
and nervous, but spare a
thought for all those parents treading the tricky path of not
upsetting their adolescent offspring.
A big day for the young people themselves, results day is a
turning point for parents too.
Educational psychologist Ruth Coppard says the whole event
can be quite traumatic for parents.
Reassure your children
that... they've failed an exam,
not you the parent
"There's an enormous sense
of, 'My goodness, this is my
baby', only it isn't. So there's
a separation and bereavement
going on as parents realise
their children are growing up,"
says Mrs Coppard.
"Technically they could be autonomous, they could even go
and get married. Even if they stay in school, they're not school
children in the same way.
"It's a very clear stage - now you have to look at them as
potential adults and these results underline that in a big way."
Parental protection
GCSE results day can be hard for parents as they realise they
are not fully equipped to advise their children on their future.
"It's the beginning of restricting their options and you want to
help them, but you're discussing decisions that'll affect them
in 2060. Now what do we know about how things will be like
then?" Mrs Coppard says Then there is any parent's instinct to shield their children from hurt.
"You desperately want to protect you child and it may be the
first time you realise you can't, especially if the results are
poor.
"There's a feeling of frustration because you can't know what
they're going through and you can't take it away."
Praise the effort
Agony aunt Suzie Hayman from Parentline Plus urges parents
not to tell their children off if they do badly.
"Don't have a row or tell them they should have done more
work. Don't panic, exams can always be re-sat, whatever the
result it's not the end of the world," says Ms Hayman.
"Reassure your children that they are not a failure and that
they've failed an exam, not you the parent."
The Telegraph: April 2003
Stress-free exams: the parents' guide
As teenagers begin to revise for A-levels,
families, too, may face testing times. Barbara
Lantin offers tips on how to deal with irritable
behaviour
This time last Easter, the atmosphere in our house
was corrosive beyond belief. Our triplets were taking
A-levels, their third set of public exams in as many
years, and stress levels were stratospheric.
My How to be a Perfect Mother handbook instructed
me to lay off the nagging, and nurture my children
with gentle words of encouragement and fabulous
food. My instincts, however, were shouting a totally
different message, along the lines of: if these children
don't stop watching television and do some work
soon, we've wasted thousands of pounds in school
fees and they might as well apply to the local
supermarket now.
Cries of "Trust me, I know what I'm doing", whenever
I reacted with so much as a raised eyebrow to their
apparent inertia, only made things worse. "No Alevels,
no gap year," I heard myself say. I took to
hiding the telephone and lying about their
whereabouts to friends who rang. How could I have
been so crass?
One year on, I admit it: they were right and I was
wrong.
My nagging achieved nothing other than temporarily
poisoning our relationship. They got their A-levels,
their university places and their gap years. I'd do it
differently next time, if there was one.
"Nagging is, more often than not, counterproductive,"
says educational psychologist Ruth Coppard. "Most
children know they are supposed to work, and if they
are not working, it's because they can't, for some
reason. Sometimes, it is a fear of not being good
enough. If they don't try, they can only be blamed for
being lazy, which is better than being stupid."
With coursework to complete and GCSEs and AS- and
A-levels looming, even apparently laid-back students
are likely to be feeling the pressure. Most British
children take more than 75 tests during their school
years, making them among the most academically
examined pupils in the world.
Last year, about 700 young people, some as young as
nine, rang ChildLine, the 24-hour help service for
children in danger or distress, about exam anxiety.
They described feeling panic-stricken, overburdened
and overwhelmed. Some were feeling suicidal.
"Their stress is prompted by fear of failure and letting
people down, including themselves," says ChildLine
counselling supervisor Caroline James. "We encourage
them to talk to their parents, but sometimes they
won't because they don't want their parents to think
they are inadequate. It can be easier to speak to a
ChildLine counsellor who can help put things in
perspective. Some children call us for support many
times over the exam period.''
Endowed with a clarity of mind I could not muster last
spring, I can now appreciate that it is not only
children who need to maintain a sense of proportion.
"Parents should get it into their heads that it is not
the end of the world if their children do not do well,"
says Coppard. "They can always do the exam again
and, anyway, plenty of people have wonderful lives
without achieving success in exams. Richard Branson
and John Major haven't done too badly.
"Parents also need to remember that exams come at
a time of transition, which is in itself scary. Children
taking GCSEs are about to move on to A-levels, which
is a big step. Those taking A-levels are sitting the
exams that will help them to leave home.
"Some parents who didn't achieve much themselves
are determined that their children should, and that
can be difficult. It can also be hard when parents
have achieved and cannot see why their children
shouldn't. Both kinds need to accept that everybody
has different ways of revising.''
Adults tread a slender line between being supportive
and being pushy. The occasional query about your
child's wellbeing is fine: quizzing them about their
progress every night is not. Give them practical help
to get down to work, such as keeping siblings at bay,
testing vocabulary and planning a revision time-table,
but encourage them to take regular breaks and meet
up with friends. Let them know it would be great if
they did well - Coppard believes that a little judicious
bribery is fine - but reassure them that you'll still love
them, and the world will not fall apart, if they don't.
"Just be aware that it is a difficult time for children,"
advises Caroline James. "Sometimes, you will not see
their anxiety, only irritable behaviour. Parents need to
be sensitive and to give their children permission to
go out and have a bit of fun between study sessions."
____________________________
The Scotsman: Life after Sixth Form August 2003
By Emma Pomfret, PA Features
The A-Level results are out, and for many the grades mean they’re on their way to
university.
For some however, the traditional academic route of three or four years work towards a
degree just isn’t on cards.
Whether you missed out on the necessary grades, or decided university isn’t for you,
there’s no need to panic – there are many other options available.
Ruth Coppard, Educational Psychologist, says it’s important to take a positive viewpoint.
“Failure is a very valid experience,” she points out. “It’s about taking that experience as a benefit, picking yourself up, really taking some time to consider what you want to do, even if it’s retakes.”
She recommends looking at the whole range of courses available – not just those at universities – because there are many options you might not have considered.
“It’s a question of being open to new ideas and getting off the treadmill.
“Now is a very important couple of days for looking over your options and deciding what to do, whether you want to do it, and whether not achieving the grades you’re after may actually give you a chance to reconsider your life plan.”
Gap years are a great idea, she says, whether it’s backpacking, gaining work experience or doing voluntary work.
“I think if you’ve only ever gone through school, your experience of life is actually pretty limited and to make a decision about the rest of your life at just 18 is very, very difficult.
“If you’ve had a shock with your results or want to do something other than university, be positive and take this time to seriously consider your choices. There are far more things you can do than you might initially think.”
....................there followed a long list of suggestions of people to contact and ideas
____________________________________
CATEGORIES TV RADIO COMMUNICATE WHERE I LIVE
Monday, 12 May, 2003, 04:49 GMT 05:49 UK
Too much, too young?
Catch up with our full week's coverage on this page
For many families in England, this week
will be hell.
Children as young as seven will be sitting
their SATS - formal tests in reading,
English and Maths. And the results may
have a big impact on their school careers.
l In a special series this week on Breakfast,
we've been hearing from some of those sitting
the tests, aged seven, 11 and 14.
We've been finding out whether they matter -
and asking whether it's time the system
changed.
l Monday May 12: stress
We spoke to Margaret Morrissey of the National
Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations
and one mother, Rosemary Boyle, whose
children are sitting SATS this week.
Click here to see our interview with
Margaret Morrissey and Rosemary Boyle
Margaret Morrissey said that although it is
important to test children to measure progress,
those tests shouldn't be allowed to stress
children.
It's not acceptable that we're putting
any sort of stress on a seven year old
And mother Rosemary Boyle said that it was
important children know what the tests are
about.
Both agreed that the exams had a tendency to
take the fun out of school - especially in the run
up to the tests, and leave less time for activities
such as music and dance.
See below for tips on dealing with exam stress
in small children.
Tuesday May 13: Why Scotland is a SATsfree
zone
SATS have been abolished in Wales - and in
Scotland the system has always been different.
We asked a headteacher from England and one
from Scotland to compare the two systems.
Click here to see our interviews with a
head teacher in England and one in
Scotland.
Wednesday May 14: time to abolish SATs?
Should we abandon SATs, especially for the
youngest pupils, who may still only be six years
old when they take the tests?
We spoke to David Harte, from the National
Association of Headteachers - he believes that
SATs are too much for seven year olds and the
case for taking them at 11 is also questionable.
But Katie Ivens, of the Campaign for Real
Education, believes the tests perform a vital
role in ensuring that all primary school children
learn how to read, write and add up.
Click here to watch our debate on
abolishing the tests
Katie Ivens stayed on, to debate whether
children are put under too much pressure with
a child psychologist, Ruth Coppard
Click here to watch our stress debate
with child psychologist Ruth Coppard
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/breakfast/3014017.stm (3 of 5)31/01/2005 23:05:32
____________________________
Smacking raises its head regularly as a question for discussion, most people seem to have strong opinions about physical punishment.
Tame the tantrums
Nov 29 2004
By Kathryn Armstrong Evening Gazette
Should parents be able to smack? The ongoing debate has been back in the news after Parliament outlawed smacking which leaves a mark or causes mental harm.
But while "mild'" smacks are still OK, many parents are unwilling to use
any kind of force to discipline their children.
So how should parents deal with bad behaviour in their children?
The key, says NSPCC parenting advisor Eileen Hayes, is preventing the
bad behaviour in the first place so that punishments are just not needed.
"Parenting isn't about quick-fix punishments," she says.
"You have to try to do without punishments by catching children being
good and praising them for it, rather than punishing them for being
naughty."
…………………………………..
Child psychologist Ruth Coppard says the basic principles of discipline
are the same, whatever the child's age.
And one of the major discipline principles, she says, is the withdrawal of
privileges.
"They have to have privileges to start with, before you can withdraw
any.
"And you have to work out what's meaningful to the child, as it's no use
withdrawing a privilege they're not really bothered about."
Ruth says any withdrawal of privileges needs to be tempered - for
example, only stop half, not all, of a child's pocket money, or ground
them for a week or less, rather than a month.
She explains the tactic can also be used cleverly.
One woman she knows was asked for a lift by her son.
The mother said, of course he could have a lift, but he would have to
wait until after she'd tidied his bedroom.
"Nagging isn't the answer, and you shouldn't make threats that you
won't carry out," says Ruth.
"Always be consistent, however you choose to discipline your child."
For a copy of Encouraging Better Behaviour send an SAE to the NSPCC
Public Enquiry Point, 42 Curtain Road, London, EC2A 3NH.
Perhaps you recognise these dolls - I didn't and had to go and check them out before talking to the writer. This is a heavily truncated version of his article - which was fascinating.
The Times Magazine, Saturday December 04, 2004
Valley of the dolls
BY DAVID ROWAN
Move over, Barbie: there are some hot new kids on the block. David Rowan visits Bratz HQ to discover how these ethnically ambiguous, fashion-crazy dolls are winning our tweenagers’ hearts and minds
Richard Landry designs high-end celebrity homes for the likes of Eddie Murphy and Rod Stewart. But today he appears to be winning over that infinitely more fickle customer: a streetwise eight-year-old fashionista from South London. With its Jacuzzi, private lift and sun-deck, Landry’s “deluxe three-storey high-rise apartment” has utterly charmed Robyn Henry, who stares transfixed in her fluffy pink coat and knee-length boots, a white handbag swinging elegantly in time with her beaded hair. “Wow! Look at this!” she calls across Hamleys to the two adult cousins who have brought her here this dank November Saturday. “It’s the coolest thing in the world! That’s what I want for Christmas.”
At £149, Landry’s gaudy plastic dolls’ house won’t win any awards for value. But this is the official 2004 “Bratz Pad”, built for today’s hippest fashion dolls, and brand loyalty is all to consumers like Robyn..
What explains the extraordinary appeal of Bratz, beyond catwalk chic, huge expressive faces, and skin tones that cross ethnic boundaries? How have Meygan, Sasha, Jade, Cloe, Yasmin and their newer friends tapped this mysterious pre-teen psyche in a way that increasingly eludes Barbie? It cannot be price: Hamleys sells the Bratz “Formal Funk” dolls for £29.99, whereas a remarkably similar MyScene range, from Mattel, is £7 cheaper and includes a DVD. Old-style Barbies cost less than £10 - yet for some reason, the store’s Bratzworld section is far busier this Saturday afternoon than Barbie’s magical land of Fairytopia.
The dolls could have been called Fashion Frenzies, Girrlz or Girlfriends, but the name Bratz was suggested by Carter Bryant, another former Mattel employee whose initial drawings Treantafelles felt “exuded the attitude and expression we wanted”. Mattel is now suing Bryant, claiming he secretly worked for MGA while still employed by them; he is countersuing, claiming that Mattel wants to “hijack” Bratz, which he says remained just an idea until after he left. Separately, Mattel is also suing Ronald Brawer, a former employee who in October took over MGA’s sales and marketing divisions. Mattel claims he took with him “highly confidential materials”; MGA describes the writ as “frivolous nonsense” timed to deflect attention from poor quarterly results. (Mattel chose not to respond to anything in this article, beyond stressing that “the Barbie brand has been and continues to be the No 1 brand for girls”.)
Treantafelles never played with Barbie as a girl. “I never understood how I could aspire to be a 30-year-old mummy when I was still trying to get to be ten,” she says. This new doll, then, would be the “anti-Barbie”. “Where Barbie is completely profiled - this is my sister, this is my hobby - Bratz would be whatever you choose it to be. We give you the palette, identify with it as you wish.” She also wanted “to turn Barbie’s proportions upside-down” - hence the oversize head and huge detachable feet. “You’re not idolising something supposed to look like you,” Treantafelles says. “Instead of ‘I should look like that physically’, it’s ‘I want to identify with that’.”….Throughout the company, the lessons are drummed in: eight to ten-year-olds aspire to be 16, and so they will reject toys their younger sisters might play with; edginess and rebelliousness reinforce the independence they crave; they absorb “adult” media messages more completely than may be apparent.
“All these wild emotions are playing in your head when you’re ten,” Treantafelles says. “You want to be pretty, you want to wear fancy clothes. We’re just materialising these wild impulses, no different from Beyoncé or Christina Aguilera.”
“The tween is much more sophisticated than people credit,” Marcy George, US licensing director, says during a merchandising brainstorm session. “I met a designer today who was actually talking about embedding rhinestones into swimwear flippers,” says Holly Stinnett, a senior brand manager. “They’ll be pearlised with glitter, really cool and Bratzy.”
Isaac Larian walks in. “Hey, let’s not give the enemy too much information,” he says. “Frankly, you’ll have a whole room that’s Bratz - her toothbrush, bedding, apparel, basically her whole life. The opposition, meanwhile, is too busy with corporate politics and suing people. Mattel’s boss comes from the cheese industry. [Robert Eckert used to run Kraft Foods.] They don’t see that selling cheese and toys are very different.
“It’s kind of sad,” he continues, “that instead of innovating, the world’s top toy company is imitating. After 45 years of working, maybe it’s time for Barbie to retire.” A more serious question is whether Bratz dolls are sexualising little girls. Last January, a child advocacy group, Stop Commercial Exploitation of Children, led a protest against Bratz and other raunchy dolls outside the International Toy Fair in New York. In a letter sent to the Toy Industry Association, the group spelt out its concerns: “Bratz dolls are highly sexualised dolls with extremely high heels, eyes heavy with make-up, large puffy lips and very skimpy, tightly fitting clothes,” it said. “These dolls are at the forefront of a toy trend that promotes stereotyped and sexualised behaviour that children cannot understand. They make the way bodies look a focus of play and equate self-worth with appearance.”
Another group, Dads and Daughters, is running an e-mail campaign against MGA’s “Secret Date” range of Bratz. “Is there a benefit to anyone but the manufacturer when that toy comes with a seductively dressed female doll, a mystery date, champagne glasses and date night accessories?” it asks. Kay Hymowitz, who has writte
I have spoken on many radio programmes on many stations: Radio 1 asked me about the wisdom of a mum leaving her new born baby behind when Noel Gallagher and his wife went off to New York for a few days. Radio 4 asked me about many topical issues on You and Yours, the News etc, Radio 5 about adolescence, discipline, behaviour etc. The Asian Network had me talking about Nursery Schools and some dolls offering an insight into sexuality. TalkSport grilled me on Physical Chastisement and children, but also discussed David Beckham taking his children to Spain. I spoke on Abu Dhabi radio about provision for disabled children, and on any number of local radio stations about any number of current topics. Ceefax, Teletext and The Press Association interview me regularly. All of this has vanished into the ether.
As has my starring role on BBC Watchdog, Healthcheck when I worked with the family of a small child who wouldn’t eat and another who couldn’t get her child to bed. And all sorts of small interviews on Breakfast TV, The News at 1, and the twice I appeared on Richard and Judy - they are tremendous fun. Google is quite random in what it comes across when crawling across the internet. You may note that one of the first references to me on Google is the only one to include an age - and it is very wrong!
I have contributed to articles in magazines as diverse as the Saga Magazine [older fathers], Family Circle [ giving in to children] and That's Life [lots of different things] and been interviewed by journalists large and small. I have been quoted in the People, the TImes, the Independent, the Sun, the Mirror as well as the Observer and the Sunday Timesand many local newspapers and small magazines. This is great as it's an opportunity to give back, and I am conscious of my good fortune in having been trained to be a Child Psychologist.
The following are a very few of the articles I have been involved in - luckily a friend archived some for me. Obviously, I have edited the material as the pieces were fairly long, but otherwise this is what was written and what I said - the two are not necessarily congruent.
More will be added as and when: Most recently: August 2010, This week I am participating in a discussion on Siblings on Radio 4's Woman's Hour. And was interviewed about how important it is for parents to become parents when they come home and to be available to their children. During my holiday several publications phoned contacts to check my number and then phoned me in Turkey - when they heard the foreign dialing tone, however, they put thephone down! I was asked on radio about the likely appropriate therapy for the two boys who have just been sentenced for the sexual assault on an eight year old girl; and on another occasion talked about whether names affect children. Is being called Andromeda going to change your life?
The Sunday Times discussed at length the sort of parties teenagers aspire to - how much money they cost and how ambitious they are, and Why!
A local newspaper asked my opinion of the use of segregated areas for youth, apparently now provided in the form of large shelters to keep naughty adolescents away from ordinary people.
The new film Where the Wild Things Are sends parents into a ...
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist working in the NHS, says all cultures invent narratives that scare children a little and then comfort them. ...
Why do sports days turn so many parents into monsters ...
Why do sports days turn so many parents into monsters? Joanna Moorhead on some highly unsporting behaviour. ... 28 November 2008 How ridiculous - I hadnt realised how long it has been since I have added to this. And probably can't remember most of the stuff I have done. I know there were phone-ins on BBC Radio 5 [one, at midnight , which I did from the comfort of my own home, and another , also at midnight, which required me to go into the studio and come home through an empty town at 1 in the morning.] I am writing my regular column for the magazine Thats Life, contributing to articles in magazines like Pick-Up, Junior, Mother and etc on a fairly regular basis. The Asian Network of the BBC interviews me and I did a rather strange interview with a New York radio station, and did not do another with Connexions, apparently a station for the French Speaking Communities of the UK. As always, I am asked about an amazing range of topics to do with children, but that is tremendous fun. One of the advantages of getting older is that I have been involved now in such a range of issues with such a range of children and families that I know quite a lot about very many things January 2007 a very nice woman phoned from Junior Magazine to talk about how to socialise small children. Are some children born sociable? Yes. Does it matter?Possibly. Can you do anything about it? probably 10 January 2007 I have been terribly remiss with this column. Last year saw very many articles about Madeleine McCann, the little girl who was snatched from holiday in Portugal, and I contributed to several. They asked how she might be feeling, how her parents were feeling [!!!]. Journalists asked me how they could reassure parents to behave normally with their children on holiday and I told them. I also made a memorable contribution to Sky saying that I believed that the parents would have considered that Maddy might be dead, and had a few emailed responses saying I was cruel and heartless. Later in the year, they asked why I felt that the popularity of the name had plummeted in the baby name charts - from 77th. Other people obviously asked about other things. Radio 5 talked to me a few times , including radio interviews in Spain. Each time this was in response to a transitory news story: children are more violent/less responsible/more anxious - discuss.
The new film Where the Wild Things Are sends parents into a ...
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist working in the NHS, says all cultures invent narratives that scare children a little and then comfort them. ...
Why do sports days turn so many parents into monsters? Joanna Moorhead on some highly unsporting behaviour. ... Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist in the NHS, says the mantra is ...
From schoolgirl to siren ... why 13-year-olds go wild | World ...
A new film explores what the headlines have been trumpeting: teenage girls are growing older younger. ... Ruth Coppard, who has spent the past 30 years working as a child ...
What to tell worried kids | The Sun |News
A TOP child psychologist with advice on how to ease your childrens fears ... Ruth Coppard advised: "If children are asking what happened then parents should ...
All work, no play - Telegraph
Passing your exams need not mean becoming a neurotic workaholic, says Sarah Lonsdale ... as we do," says child psychologist Ruth Coppard. " Most adults will get home from work ...
Do the right thing | Education | guardian.co.uk
How to see your child through the exam period ... You can't make teenagers work," says Ruth Coppard, an NHS child psychologist based in Barnsley. " But they ...
Stabbed Tom ap Rhys Pryce parents' incredible act of ...
In a remarkable act of forgiveness the parents of lawyer Tom ap Rhys Pryce, murdered near his home by teenage muggers, donated money to the school of one their son's ...
My daughter, my rival | Life and style | The Guardian
It's not uncommon for a teenage girl to be attracted to an older man. ... Ruth Coppard, who has a grown-up daughter, is a child psychologist for Barnsley NHS trust. ...
Stress-free exams: the parents' guide - Telegraph
As teenagers begin to revise for A-levels, families, too, may face testing times. ... counterproductive," says educational psychologist Ruth Coppard. " Most children know they ...
Your letters: Tell us what you think | Life and style | The ...
Ruth Coppard Sheffield. It's refreshing to note that a high-earning Hollywood star such as John Cusack retains such a grounded sense of social justice ...
Last Borns Just Want to Have Fun
First-born children are more stable and middle children become hippies, finds Amy Iggulden. ... "Parents just have to value every child for who they are," says Ruth Coppard. ...
Gift rap | Education | The Guardian
All parents want their kids to do well, but a truly exceptional ... As educational psychologist Ruth Coppard suggests, "Some so-called child prodigies are little more than the ...
How parents can pass the exam test - Telegraph
Website of the Telegraph Media Group with breaking news, sport, business, latest UK and world news. ... Child psychologist Ruth Coppard urged me to keep things in proportion. ...
Little support for refugees on streets of London | World news ...
The rest of his family had been killed or lost following an attack by the Janjaweed militia last year. ... One protester, Ruth Coppard, from Sheffield, a child psychologist who ...
Your letters: Tell us what you think | Life and style | The ...
Ruth Coppard Sheffield. It's refreshing to note that a high-earning Hollywood star such as John Cusack retains such a grounded sense of social justice ...
Last Borns Just Want to Have Fun
First-born children are more stable and middle children become hippies, finds Amy Iggulden. ... "Parents just have to value every child for who they are," says Ruth Coppard. ...
Gift rap | Education | The Guardian
All parents want their kids to do well, but a truly exceptional ... As educational psychologist Ruth Coppard suggests, "Some so-called child prodigies are little more than the ...
How parents can pass the exam test - Telegraph
Website of the Telegraph Media Group with breaking news, sport, business, latest UK and world news. ... Child psychologist Ruth Coppard urged me to keep things in proportion. ...
Little support for refugees on streets of London | World news ...
The rest of his family had been killed or lost following an attack by the Janjaweed militia last year. ... One protester, Ruth Coppard, from Sheffield, a child psychologist who ...The Guardian
This week, I have spoken to two journalists from the Times about a] why children enjoy dressing up? and is it the same for adults, and b] what to say when your 7 year old asks you what a Chav is? I wish I knew. 23 April 2007 so many contributions to the greater knowledge of the world since last time. Today was a jolly day. Some MP , energised by a letter from some 100 medics has suggested that television viewing should be reduced for children. He suggests that under threes should watch no television at all, up to 12 it should be something like 30 minutes a day etc etc. And that children should certainly have no television in their bedrooms. Real Radio came down to talk to me about it - they are the people who always do interviews live and face-to-face - and then I spoke on Asian Network. I believe quite strongly that too much screen time is not good for kids, and this followed on nicely from an earlier uproar about a) teachers are now able to physically manhandle children and b) why are kids cheeky when they use television catch phrases? I think the media has a responsibility to support their mission to entertain with some details about how to parent. If each soap just added little vignettes about a child coming in and doing homework, or getting told off for earning a detention, a number of parents would feel braver about saying the same sort of thing.So today during both the interview and discussion I said quite a bit about life being much bigger than the media, but pointing out that life is much harder since children are not permitted to go out to play so readily. My son was amused by some of the suggestions - he felt that since he had suffered by not being allowed a television in his bedroom and unlimited watching, neither should they!!! I then did an interview for the Telegraph about exams, and how can parents help. It's that time of year again - think lilac blossom, hay fever and revision. Poor things.2 August 2006
There was a barren spell when I wondered whether my name had somehow been lost from the system and then it all started up again. Loads of interviews with loads of people about loads of things. I have spoken to numbers of radio stations about should teachers be given lessons in how to modulate their voices for children in order to be less boring, should Nurseries in Scotland be more structured with children being taught to read and write at pre-school, should english children be taught how ot use an emotional vocabulary - how important is it for kids to be able to explain themselves when they are upset or angry? Should parents listen more? whatcan they do with children over the long summer holidays?I also spoke to newspapers and magazines about Twins and did something on Social Phobias. In between we have presented our research findings at one Conference and are signed up for another, and have discussed that on local television, where we have also talked about asylum issues and the ongoing trauma of asylum seekers who have seen death and destruction of a type I can not even imagine. A busy life, but making psychology accessible is fun and important.
28 April 2006
We're moving into exam season again and I have answered a lot of questions about exam stress for a number of publications. I think my big plea is for people to get it into perspective. Exams happen and sometimes people do less well than they hoped to. BUT exams can always be taken again, or taken later. There are always adjustments that can be made if things go wrong. I also discovered in conversation that I dont believe in paying for exam results - if parents offer £10 for each A and it is absolutely beyond the child to achieve that, then it will be unkind not to pay the child, if he have tried as hard as they possibly can.
The more fun conversation was with Radio5 where we talked about a parental misunderstanding of new legislation and educational suggestion which has led parents to phone teachers in the evening to ask for help in encouraging the child to finish his tea, or get off the trampoline etc. Tee hee.
5 March 2006
Two long conversations with journalists from TopSanté this week. The first girl wanted to talk about 5 Top Tips for parents when dealing with their children. The second wanted to clarify what had been said. What was striking was that both young women were about 24 and had no real experience of children beyod their own childhood. The second was particulary keen to find some stats that would confirm that being consistent withyour children would make them nice human beings. I pointed out that there are so many variables involved that its impossible to achieve a genuine, random Controlled trial - but she only believed me when I found a Meta-Analysis of similar studies that showed that of the almost 1500 studies fewr than 80 came anywhere close to meeting good scientific criteria. Possibly the only thing harder than being a parent is studying a group of them!!! But they promised me a copy of the magazine, which will be nice!
23 February 2006
Real radio interviewed me today. They are the people who like to do a Live Interview and therefore come to work or home, because it sounds more realistic. Which is fine. Apparently a report from the Netherlands says that dpressed and anxious children are more likely to take Ecstacy later. Which might accurately reflect their research, but also reflect a different time. They were studying children born from about 1979, and the world is a little different now. Interesting thought though, does depression predispose to taking Ecstacy? or does taking Ecstacy possibly make you depressed?
22 February 2006
Since then, 'they' have asked my opinions on all sorts - and I am happy to oblige. I have spoken on the radio about liars - some woman has kept her lottery win , is this right? well, Yes and No. It all depends really on why she has done it and whether she can keep the secret for long enough.
I was aked about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and whether I believed in it? That is a definite Yes, at least as defined in Britain. We have about 3% of children with ADHD, while the Americans have 10% and rising. Our kids have brain scans which look different from those of other children suggesting a very real difference.
Then there was the interview about Independence in the Sunday Times
last week.
Keeping adolescents in a state of childlike innocence and dependency is a recent historical phenomenon; 200 years ago, children were not only dressed as miniature adults as soon as they could walk and talk but expected to work, and to marry in their teens. Now, though many children do not even leave home until their twenties, they regard themselves as grown up and entitled to keep secrets from the moment they become teenagers. Not telling your parents anything about your life at school, your friends or your feelings has become an act of self-definition. “Children need to keep secrets from parents because as they grow up they move increasingly towards independence,” says Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist and the founder of www.helpmehelpmychild.com. “That’s right and proper. “However, a lot of parents are not very good at allowing their children independence. It’s partly because parents always feel guilty about not doing well enough at bringing up their children, and partly that they don’t have as much time for children as before. “And more than in the past, people protect their children from all kinds of things they regard as dangerous. In the Brownies, children of seven are expected to be able to make a cup of tea, but the world is full of people who won’t let a child go anywhere near boiling water at 11.” We have unprecedented means to spy on our children through their mobile phones, which can not only keep track of where they say they are but, as was revealed last week, can be used in conjunction with the internet to pinpoint exactly where they are on a map. Not that this is likely to do much to reassure parents: the law has ensured that we can look, but have no means of intervening in what could most affect our children’s future.
A journalist from the Observer spoke with me about the very brilliant eight year old from the USA who is writing novels and is a voracious reader. She has read Candide (!!, although she may not have absolutely understood it) and wants to share her love of reading with other children. This has apparently gone down very well in America, but I am not convinced that all children would welcome this.
Perhaps the most, slightly bizarre discussion was an interview about Finnish research which says that all generations should play together on swings, roundabouts etc and is marketing 'family' playgrounds. That sounds like fun.
9 October 2005
The WebMaster says I am adding too much here, so.... Briefly. Last week offered a very exciting day when I was, firstly, speaking on BBC Radio 5Live phone-in and the on BBC3 News. The first was in reference to the 12 year old girl who had almost killed a small boy who was annoying her, and the discussion was around what punsihments were appropriate at that age. My concern was that most older criminals have some trauma in their past and we need to address the traumas of children in order to prevent disasters of the future. For this, we will need more psychologists - currently children locally are having to wait several months for an appointment after eg their father has killed himself.
The BBC 3 item concerned the 15 year old girl golfer who is turning pro
and how will she handle it? Good fun to do but there are, of course, no definitive answers.
I also then did a live interview for Real Radio - this is a local station which had discovered Nature Deficit Syndrome. Children now are becoming increasingly isolated by their electrical toys, to the point where parents protect them by allowing them to stay at home and play, and communicate by MSN rather than by playing on real grass and in real woods. This brings up lots of issues, as well as the horrible prospect of all those science fiction stories I read when young coming true - we shall become nations of individuals living in little pods and communicating entirely by machine. No Food, no touch, no anything.
23 August 2005
I've been sort of losing track. There was the Journalist from Mental Health magazine, which has the same phone number as the magazine Best, surprisingly, and someone from the Daily Telegraph. Also someone fromChannel 4 checking out a programme idea about the psychological development of a child - linked to celebrity anecdotes. I'm not sure it works like that. We tend to develop sequentially but no-one could say 'at 7years 3months a child develops a certain level of empathy and won't laugh when Luna's knickers fall down'. I suggetsed they do it the other way round. Find out a lot of anecdotes, group them in ages and then add the psychology.
A lady phoned about a discussion on Woman's Hour regarding behavioural management and techniques, but I agreed with the main speaker which wouldnt make good radio.
And today I was the interviewee for a disucssion on Birth Order. A big Study in Norway suggests that First Born tend to do better - for alll sorts of reasons. I am and I did, but it was fun to say so out loud!!!
July 2005
Very interesting discussion with a woman from the magazine Bliss. She was writing about Mums and Daughetrs and wanted toknow how to reply to the girl: whose mum was her best friend, wanted to share her clothes, fancied the same boys etc. Girl 2 had a mum who didnt allow her to do anything! at all but dictated bedtimes and homework etc, and Girl 3, whose Mum embarrassed her to bits by going into Boots and discussing her periods and what supplies would be suitable
Talk Sport 17.7.2005
Long and fascinating discussion around the girl who has admitted tieing a small boy to a tree by his neck. What meakes some children do this sort of thing? how culpable are parents? what responsibility should the media take?
Calendar - alocal TV news programme July 2005
A discussion re bullying - what sort of people bully? is it worse than it used to be? Are things changing? getting worse? Will adults take responsibility for child behaviour?
The Guardian 29.6.2005
An article by Joanne Moorhead discussed competitiveness in childhood and beyond.... finishing thus:
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist in the NHS, says the mantra
is that we should value the child we have rather than the child
we crave. "Help your child to appreciate the strengths he or she
has got - it's important to help your son or daughter do the best
they can do, but you need to realise that their best probably
won't be the world-beating best," she says. "No child who does
their best is a failure, and parents should realise that."
She admits, though, that few parents are immune to the bug of
parental competitiveness, and confesses to having been drawn
into it from time to time herself. "One of my children has just
graduated and you mention degree classes and grades and so
on," she says. "Parents just are competitive. In a way, our
children are the one thing we have really got to boast about."
Readers Digest July 2005
An article adapted from the American version, discussed the pros and cons of older children coming home to an empty house. I am quoted as being quite in favour of giving children some independence, as long as the kids still can access their parents easily and do not feel
frightened.
The Vanessa programme BBCLondon June 2005
This began as a discussion about Happy Slapping - that phenomenon where children attack each other, film it on their phones and then pass it on. I feel strongly that this sort of thing begins with the media's approval of bizarre behaviour - children might dream of smacking each other for fun, but the Tango adverts gave an apparent respectability. It was an interesting discussion with Vanessa quite defensive and people phoning in in my support!!
The Express Magazine 29.5.2005
An interesting article on how to help your children make their own fun at half-term. ....she feels TV and Computer games are also to blame,' It's far too easy now just to turn on the television but that is essentially a passive, solitary activity. During downtime with other children, you learn to tolerate, you are learning the rules of engagement and the skills of negotiation' . Th earticle goes on to suggest a host of different activities in which you caninvolve children.
Radio Five Live 13.5.2005
Discussion on the Brian Hayes programme on preparing for exams - how to work appropriately and minimise stress.
The Daily Express: 9.5 2005
I'm going to make my baby a genius
Jo Moulds
This article concerns itself with parents who offer even very tiny children a whole range of activities - baby yoga, baby gym, baby French and even baby Japanese......
But is hothousing your toddler a good idea?
........... Ruth says: you have to be careful how much information you pump into a child - and how tired you make them. It is easy for a child to misinterpret the intentions of the parent and they should not be made to feel they have 'failed' at this young age.
I think it has far more to do with parents competing with each other to have the brightest and most gifted child. ........
So how much information beimg drilled into today's toddlers is taken in anyway? Ruth says: At this age a child can absorb an enormous amount of information but it's a question of whether they can deal with, process or retain it.
Many children can count before they are two or three but they are simply repeating the sounds - they don't understand what it means.
Toddlers will happily repeat words in a foreign accent and can mimic the accent better because they are not self-conscious,' Ruth adds.
'But they have no idea about the concept behind it. The only way it helps them is once they are older because the words will feel familiar.
The key, Ruth says, is to keep any learning fun. 'The problems lie in parents taking these activities too seriously and introducing the concept of success or failure, which puts too much pressure on a young child. It's fine to let them say the words of a foreign language, but wrong to become cross with them if they make a mistake.......That can make children far too anxious....
What is important is allowing children to socialise and learn how to take their turn......There is a lot to be said for giving children space to play. Sometimes they should be left alone safely toplay with their toys and make up games using their imaginations. That will stand them in far better stead thanteaching them Japanese.
The Times: 28.3.2005
Siege mentality in the bathroom
Monica Porter
Never live in a home with just a single bathroom if you want a happy, harmonious family
.........................................Is all this inevitable? According to David Spellman, a psychologist at Burnley General Hospital in East Lancashire, who specialises in adolescent behaviour, the bathroom is an inevitable “hot spot” in domestic life. “It’s an intimate space which is about people’s bodies and other sensitive issues that are magnified during adolescence. If teenagers obsess about their appearance, it’s because they are developing their sense of self as individuals. The bathroom is where much of this takes place; it’s no wonder they spend so much time there.”
Sharing a bathroom requires co-operation and other social skills that take time to develop. “Anything happening in the bathroom needs to be seen in the broader context of family rules — what is acceptable and what is not. You might need to set time limits on use of the bathroom. Some families require more regimentation than others; some need recourse to a carrot-and-stick system. It’s all about finding ways of living together: a difficult challenge for us all.”
Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist (visit www.helpmehelpmychild.com ), suggests making sure that your teenager has access to a mirror and hairdryer somewhere other than in the bathroom. “My daughter had a sink in her room, which made such a difference. You can also try to timetable use of the bathroom; for instance, if you always want to have a bath at 10pm, your children have to leave the bathroom free. Of course, the crisis will come when your teenage daughter decides she wants to go out — but must wash her hair first.”
Another problem is the way your teenager will almost absent-mindedly use up communal products or, more irritating perhaps, have a go at your more expensive ones.
But, says Spellman, “there are worse things in life. No one’s getting killed. And some families enjoy a good scrap — they find it invigorating, it gives them an emotional buzz.”
I never enjoyed the scrapping, mainly because I never won. But the solution presented itself finally several years later when my partner and I bought a house together. He was keen on a garage and a garden. What I wanted was bathrooms, lots of them. And now we’ve got four . . .
The Times: Parent Forum is a weekly column where parents write to ask about particular issues they have. They seek advice from a number of professionals from different backgrounds. Here are some of those I have been involved with:
Parent forum 21.2.2005
My two-year-old daughter fights constantly with her cousin of the same age, and we’ve had to trim her fingernails to stop her from scratching him. It’s starting to strain relations between me and my sister as well.
If the children genuinely dislike each other, little can be done — it is uncommon but possible, but there is really no reason why all children should like one another. However, what is more likely is that they have developed a relationship in which your daughter has power and reinforces it physically. You could start to change it by offering a new activity and observing both children like a hawk. Intervene the minute you feel it might become physical with the suggestion of an alternative activity, and give copious praise whenever either child is kind/helpful/friendly to the other. This makes the friendly option much more attractive. And, of course, limit your daughter’s power to hurt — keep her nails trimmed and keep her away from things she might use as a weapon.
Ruth Coppard,child psychologist,
There is nothing more likely to upset the relationship between siblings than the behaviour of their offspring. My sister and I are extremely close yet fell out seriously over the way our children interacted — my niece wouldn’t leave my son alone, while he whinged incessantly and loudly about hating her. Each parent clearly thought the other’s child was at fault, and it got so fraught that for many months we avoided seeing each other. My sister offered the olive branch by calling to say that she knew her child could be a pain, and I then had to concede that mine was, too. You need to steel yourself, and try to talk to your sister about this, before the situation deteriorates. Remind her that at the age of 2, this is not the beginning of the end, but just a passing phase.
Name and address supplied
The Times: Parent Forum 16.08.2004
The question:
Our daughter,14, feels it unfair that her twin sister can wear contact lessons. What can we do?
Among the answers from 'experts':
One twin may develop a tolerance to contacts later on but, for now, this is a good time for the girls to realise that they are not mirror images of each other. The key challenge of adolescence is coming to terms with your individual strengths and weaknesses, developing your own identity. Therefore, you should not attempt to treat your daughters as if they were the same.
Ruth Coppard, child psychologist, Yorkshire
The Times:Parent Forum 27.10.2003
My children, aged 3 and 5, are asking about death. How should I
respond?
Ruth Coppard, child psychologist, Barnsley Primary Care Trust
Children of this age do have a concept of death and understand that things finish and do not come back in a physical form. If they ask: “What is death?” you can explain that everything that lives eventually dies and does not come back. If a grandparent were to die, you could say: “Granny isn’t coming back, but she is now a star.” By helping them to fix their attention on something distant but intangible, you give them a practical focus for their love.
______________________
I used to be the child psychologist on the Cable Channel Wellbeing. This was a joint venture between Boots Chemists and Granada. I featured every other week, talking about concerns of the viewers with the parents concerned and the presenter: depression in adolescence, Multiple births, behavioural management etc . It was fun.
There were also phone-ins and this interactive 'chat' with parents.
Wellbeing.com - Live Chat
Transcript of chat with Ruth Coppard
Wellbeing's resident Psychologist joined us to answer your questions about child behaviour as well as overcoming death and bereavement.
Hello and welcome to the Wellbeing.com live chat auditorium. Today we will be chatting live with Ruth Coppard. Ruth is a Child Psychologist who you may recognise from Wellbeing TV. She is a Child Psychologist who claims to have "far too many years of experience - and two children". She will be able to answer your questions about your child's mental, emotional, educational and social development. She may also be able to answer your more general questions.
lilly: How long did you have to study to be qualified?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Three years for a first degree, and then one year for a teaching qualification and after two years teaching another degree. Then I did an advanced diploma in Educational Psychology and now I'm doing a Doctorate.
Misty: Do you know makes a child so aggressive when neither of their parents or family are? He's only 9 and so defensive and argumentative.
->Ruth Coppard replies: Many children practice their language by arguing and discussing with their parents. Some parents handle it better than others, some parents find it cute and the children tends to continue. If a child realises that behaving in this way brings a lot of attention then he is more likely to go on doing it. And some children are just naturally more argumentative and aggressive than
others.
Janice: What do you think about smacking children? I was smacked when I behaved badly as a child and I don't believe it did me any harm at all. Do you think the recent issues raised about this issue are extreme exhalations from the PC brigade!?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Briefly smacking is a tremendous relief for parents and may be effective on a small child. I am talking of a quick smack on hand or leg rather than anything more. Bribery is usually far more effective and punishments like restricting pleasures - tv, playing out etc - work well.
YTYT: In your experience is there any link with an early childhood experiences and stammering? I have a stammer, and I have no recollection of any major occurrence, that could have triggered it? Any ideas?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Far more boys than girls stammer and it seems unlikely that they all suffered major trauma. It seems to be a weakness in some people that may be triggered at a certain age by something relatively minor.
bluebell: Would you say that children behave the way they do because they are born that way or is it because of the environment they are brought up in?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Day old babies in hospital present very differently. Some are alert, some angry, some sleepy, some hungry etc. I believe that personalities are largely hard-wired, but modified by our experiences through life so some children are born shy and we can help them to be braver by the way they are brought up.
On today's programme, Ruth spoke primarily about death and bereavement.
Although it's an uncomfortable topic for many, it is something that we will all have to deal with at one time or another in our lives. We do have lots of questions coming in from you about death and bereavement, so we're going to speak with Ruth about these topics for a few minutes before returning to more general questions...
Ron: What are the patterns that normally occur in people, after they have suffered a bereavement. i.e. What is it normal to feel?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Nothing is normal about reacting to a bereavement, we each react individually according to our own personality and experience and our relationship to who ever died. Stages are usually shock, searching, anger, depression, resolution and then sometimes guilt or regret for things not done.
HarrietWalter: Do you think that a person can prepare themselves for the eventual death of a close relative and lessen the pain, and loss when it actually happens?
->Ruth Coppard replies: No. My mother was dying for a month and I thought I was prepared but it was still a shocking event. It's like when people pretend to be dead and shut their eyes, we know its not true. Imagining that some body is not there is not genuinely possible.
Sheila: My friends have just lost their father suddenly to an aortic aneurysm, and he was only 55. Do you have any advice or help I can try to instill in them to help them come to terms with this dreadful loss?
->Ruth Coppard replies: A sudden death is difficult to come to terms with and sometimes people find themselves reliving the time about the death and funeral rather than remembering the person they loved and valued and the fun they had together. Give them a chance to talk, again and again, and be happy to share your memories with them. There are some inspirational poems and writings which some people find helpful.
Chyna: Do you ever get depressed, due to dealing with people's problems all the time?
->Ruth Coppard replies: It can be depressing to be made aware of things some people have been through but it is wonderful to be able to help and make a difference.
Thank you for joining our live chat with Ruth Coppard. We only have time to
answer a couple more questions. We're sorry if we haven't been able to get to your question today, but Ruth has just told us that she would love to do more of these in the near future - so hopefully she'll be back soon!
Helen_Patterson: My child is bullied at school, as he has slightly sticking out ears? He is normally an outgoing and gentle boy, but he is becoming more withdrawn and aggressive when taken issue with. Do you have any advice?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Children will always be teased for being different. If its a sufficiently significant physical difference it might be worth considering surgery.
Otherwise your son needs to develop techniques to deal with this, humour is good, ignoring the teaser may well help and sometimes just accepting the criticism deflates the bully. 'Big ears' 'yes you're right'.
Thank you for joining our live chat today with Ruth Coppard. You can see more of Ruth on the Wellbeing TV Channel and, hopefully, we'll get her to come back online with us sometime soon to answer more of your questions. We have time for just one more question before Ruth has to wave goodbye...
caroline: Have you ever dealt with some impossible children who were ubable to be helped at all?
->Ruth Coppard replies: Children live within an environment and although I can help to change some aspects of life, other things happen that are absolutely beyond anyone's control. A parent loses a job, becomes irritable, the shortage of money, leads to a lot of arguing - I may have been able to help a child deal with his temper in the first place but subsequent events might make it very difficult for things to stay 'solved'.
Thank you to everyone who joined us today here at Wellbeing.com. Thank you, Ruth, for joining us today. Those of us here in the chat studio have found this really informative and useful.
Ruth waves and shouts through the door as she runs off to the TV studio, "I hope I'll be able to answer more questions soon and would welcome the opportunity to give longer responses."
_________________________________
In Spring every year, journalists phone to ask how to help children and young people deal with exams. August every year, journalists phone to ask how to help children and young people deal with exam results…………….
The Telegraph 23.02.2002 All work, no play
Passing your exams need not mean becoming a
neurotic workaholic, says Sarah Lonsdale
EMMA FACER is a bright, hardworking sixth-former,aiming for a trio of Bs or better in this summer's Alevel exams. She did very well in her AS levels last summer, but at a heavy price. She would often study until midnight, grabbing a few hours sleep before rising at six to do a bit more work before her school bus came at 7.30am. A heavy schedule for any 16-year-old child, particularly one with a part-time job as well. "Looking back, I wonder how I managed to keep it up," she says. "I just got into a rhythm and kept going. But it hit me when the exams were over." Emma's mother Linda says she has raised the issue of excessive pressure with Emma's teachers at the Chaucer Technology School in Canterbury. ….All teachers love a conscientious pupil, but the growing pressure to achieve, combined with the introduction of AS levels, which has put an end to the once-welcome drop in pace between GCSEs and A levels, is turning many children into anxious workaholics. Some child psychiatrists also blame pushy parents who not only drive their children into a frenzy of competitiveness but who, by introducing too many after-school activities, offer a child no choice but to catch up with homework well into the evening. Dr Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?, a book that took the US by storm last year, argues that an over-anxious, over-achieving child is very often the child of parents who play Mozart to it in the womb and expose the poor thing to alphabet flashcards before its first birthday.
"The bottom line is that children need a break just as much as we do," says child psychologist Ruth Coppard. "Most adults will get home from work between six and seven, pour themselves a drink and relax in front of the television. Why should our
children, having had a full day at school and two hours of after-school activities, then have to go upstairs and do two or three hours of homework. It's just not fair."
Ms Coppard, who has worked with children on exam stress, says the problem of workaholic children is getting worse, and children are becoming affected at a younger age. She adds that parents should not necessarily look to schools for reassurance. "Schools have their own pressures of league tables, and it is hardly in their interest to tell the hardest-working section of the school community to take its foot off
the accelerator," she says.
What to do if your child is becoming a workaholic
l Help them with time management: if a particularly lengthy project will gain them, say, only seven percent of the entire marks for a subject, help them appreciate that more work will not necessarily mean a higher grade.
l Try to encourage them to believe more in their own abilities and that extra hours of homework will not necessarily improve their marks.
l Cut out unnecessary after-school activities: they are never going to be a concert pianist/judo blackbelt and hate lessons anyway. Free up a bit of space.
l Relax about work matters yourself: if you are always rushing about under pressure and coming home late from work, you will not be a helpful role model.
l Remember that childhood is not just about getting good grades at school. Let them see that having fun and enjoying being young is just as important as a place at Oxford or Cambridge.
________________________________________
Parents' guide to surviving GCSEs
By Katherine Sellgren
BBC News Online education staff
Is the stress building up?
As the waiting game draws
to an end and teenagers
discover how they have
fared in their GCSEs, how
can parents survive the
experience?
With the clock ticking down to
results day, teenagers may be
feeling understandably touchy
and nervous, but spare a
thought for all those parents treading the tricky path of not
upsetting their adolescent offspring.
A big day for the young people themselves, results day is a
turning point for parents too.
Educational psychologist Ruth Coppard says the whole event
can be quite traumatic for parents.
Reassure your children
that... they've failed an exam,
not you the parent
"There's an enormous sense
of, 'My goodness, this is my
baby', only it isn't. So there's
a separation and bereavement
going on as parents realise
their children are growing up,"
says Mrs Coppard.
"Technically they could be autonomous, they could even go
and get married. Even if they stay in school, they're not school
children in the same way.
"It's a very clear stage - now you have to look at them as
potential adults and these results underline that in a big way."
Parental protection
GCSE results day can be hard for parents as they realise they
are not fully equipped to advise their children on their future.
"It's the beginning of restricting their options and you want to
help them, but you're discussing decisions that'll affect them
in 2060. Now what do we know about how things will be like
then?" Mrs Coppard says Then there is any parent's instinct to shield their children from hurt.
"You desperately want to protect you child and it may be the
first time you realise you can't, especially if the results are
poor.
"There's a feeling of frustration because you can't know what
they're going through and you can't take it away."
Praise the effort
Agony aunt Suzie Hayman from Parentline Plus urges parents
not to tell their children off if they do badly.
"Don't have a row or tell them they should have done more
work. Don't panic, exams can always be re-sat, whatever the
result it's not the end of the world," says Ms Hayman.
"Reassure your children that they are not a failure and that
they've failed an exam, not you the parent."
The Telegraph: April 2003
Stress-free exams: the parents' guide
As teenagers begin to revise for A-levels,
families, too, may face testing times. Barbara
Lantin offers tips on how to deal with irritable
behaviour
This time last Easter, the atmosphere in our house
was corrosive beyond belief. Our triplets were taking
A-levels, their third set of public exams in as many
years, and stress levels were stratospheric.
My How to be a Perfect Mother handbook instructed
me to lay off the nagging, and nurture my children
with gentle words of encouragement and fabulous
food. My instincts, however, were shouting a totally
different message, along the lines of: if these children
don't stop watching television and do some work
soon, we've wasted thousands of pounds in school
fees and they might as well apply to the local
supermarket now.
Cries of "Trust me, I know what I'm doing", whenever
I reacted with so much as a raised eyebrow to their
apparent inertia, only made things worse. "No Alevels,
no gap year," I heard myself say. I took to
hiding the telephone and lying about their
whereabouts to friends who rang. How could I have
been so crass?
One year on, I admit it: they were right and I was
wrong.
My nagging achieved nothing other than temporarily
poisoning our relationship. They got their A-levels,
their university places and their gap years. I'd do it
differently next time, if there was one.
"Nagging is, more often than not, counterproductive,"
says educational psychologist Ruth Coppard. "Most
children know they are supposed to work, and if they
are not working, it's because they can't, for some
reason. Sometimes, it is a fear of not being good
enough. If they don't try, they can only be blamed for
being lazy, which is better than being stupid."
With coursework to complete and GCSEs and AS- and
A-levels looming, even apparently laid-back students
are likely to be feeling the pressure. Most British
children take more than 75 tests during their school
years, making them among the most academically
examined pupils in the world.
Last year, about 700 young people, some as young as
nine, rang ChildLine, the 24-hour help service for
children in danger or distress, about exam anxiety.
They described feeling panic-stricken, overburdened
and overwhelmed. Some were feeling suicidal.
"Their stress is prompted by fear of failure and letting
people down, including themselves," says ChildLine
counselling supervisor Caroline James. "We encourage
them to talk to their parents, but sometimes they
won't because they don't want their parents to think
they are inadequate. It can be easier to speak to a
ChildLine counsellor who can help put things in
perspective. Some children call us for support many
times over the exam period.''
Endowed with a clarity of mind I could not muster last
spring, I can now appreciate that it is not only
children who need to maintain a sense of proportion.
"Parents should get it into their heads that it is not
the end of the world if their children do not do well,"
says Coppard. "They can always do the exam again
and, anyway, plenty of people have wonderful lives
without achieving success in exams. Richard Branson
and John Major haven't done too badly.
"Parents also need to remember that exams come at
a time of transition, which is in itself scary. Children
taking GCSEs are about to move on to A-levels, which
is a big step. Those taking A-levels are sitting the
exams that will help them to leave home.
"Some parents who didn't achieve much themselves
are determined that their children should, and that
can be difficult. It can also be hard when parents
have achieved and cannot see why their children
shouldn't. Both kinds need to accept that everybody
has different ways of revising.''
Adults tread a slender line between being supportive
and being pushy. The occasional query about your
child's wellbeing is fine: quizzing them about their
progress every night is not. Give them practical help
to get down to work, such as keeping siblings at bay,
testing vocabulary and planning a revision time-table,
but encourage them to take regular breaks and meet
up with friends. Let them know it would be great if
they did well - Coppard believes that a little judicious
bribery is fine - but reassure them that you'll still love
them, and the world will not fall apart, if they don't.
"Just be aware that it is a difficult time for children,"
advises Caroline James. "Sometimes, you will not see
their anxiety, only irritable behaviour. Parents need to
be sensitive and to give their children permission to
go out and have a bit of fun between study sessions."
____________________________
The Scotsman: Life after Sixth Form August 2003
By Emma Pomfret, PA Features
The A-Level results are out, and for many the grades mean they’re on their way to
university.
For some however, the traditional academic route of three or four years work towards a
degree just isn’t on cards.
Whether you missed out on the necessary grades, or decided university isn’t for you,
there’s no need to panic – there are many other options available.
Ruth Coppard, Educational Psychologist, says it’s important to take a positive viewpoint.
“Failure is a very valid experience,” she points out. “It’s about taking that experience as a benefit, picking yourself up, really taking some time to consider what you want to do, even if it’s retakes.”
She recommends looking at the whole range of courses available – not just those at universities – because there are many options you might not have considered.
“It’s a question of being open to new ideas and getting off the treadmill.
“Now is a very important couple of days for looking over your options and deciding what to do, whether you want to do it, and whether not achieving the grades you’re after may actually give you a chance to reconsider your life plan.”
Gap years are a great idea, she says, whether it’s backpacking, gaining work experience or doing voluntary work.
“I think if you’ve only ever gone through school, your experience of life is actually pretty limited and to make a decision about the rest of your life at just 18 is very, very difficult.
“If you’ve had a shock with your results or want to do something other than university, be positive and take this time to seriously consider your choices. There are far more things you can do than you might initially think.”
....................there followed a long list of suggestions of people to contact and ideas
____________________________________
CATEGORIES TV RADIO COMMUNICATE WHERE I LIVE
Monday, 12 May, 2003, 04:49 GMT 05:49 UK
Too much, too young?
Catch up with our full week's coverage on this page
For many families in England, this week
will be hell.
Children as young as seven will be sitting
their SATS - formal tests in reading,
English and Maths. And the results may
have a big impact on their school careers.
l In a special series this week on Breakfast,
we've been hearing from some of those sitting
the tests, aged seven, 11 and 14.
We've been finding out whether they matter -
and asking whether it's time the system
changed.
l Monday May 12: stress
We spoke to Margaret Morrissey of the National
Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations
and one mother, Rosemary Boyle, whose
children are sitting SATS this week.
Click here to see our interview with
Margaret Morrissey and Rosemary Boyle
Margaret Morrissey said that although it is
important to test children to measure progress,
those tests shouldn't be allowed to stress
children.
It's not acceptable that we're putting
any sort of stress on a seven year old
And mother Rosemary Boyle said that it was
important children know what the tests are
about.
Both agreed that the exams had a tendency to
take the fun out of school - especially in the run
up to the tests, and leave less time for activities
such as music and dance.
See below for tips on dealing with exam stress
in small children.
Tuesday May 13: Why Scotland is a SATsfree
zone
SATS have been abolished in Wales - and in
Scotland the system has always been different.
We asked a headteacher from England and one
from Scotland to compare the two systems.
Click here to see our interviews with a
head teacher in England and one in
Scotland.
Wednesday May 14: time to abolish SATs?
Should we abandon SATs, especially for the
youngest pupils, who may still only be six years
old when they take the tests?
We spoke to David Harte, from the National
Association of Headteachers - he believes that
SATs are too much for seven year olds and the
case for taking them at 11 is also questionable.
But Katie Ivens, of the Campaign for Real
Education, believes the tests perform a vital
role in ensuring that all primary school children
learn how to read, write and add up.
Click here to watch our debate on
abolishing the tests
Katie Ivens stayed on, to debate whether
children are put under too much pressure with
a child psychologist, Ruth Coppard
Click here to watch our stress debate
with child psychologist Ruth Coppard
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/breakfast/3014017.stm (3 of 5)31/01/2005 23:05:32
____________________________
Smacking raises its head regularly as a question for discussion, most people seem to have strong opinions about physical punishment.
Tame the tantrums
Nov 29 2004
By Kathryn Armstrong Evening Gazette
Should parents be able to smack? The ongoing debate has been back in the news after Parliament outlawed smacking which leaves a mark or causes mental harm.
But while "mild'" smacks are still OK, many parents are unwilling to use
any kind of force to discipline their children.
So how should parents deal with bad behaviour in their children?
The key, says NSPCC parenting advisor Eileen Hayes, is preventing the
bad behaviour in the first place so that punishments are just not needed.
"Parenting isn't about quick-fix punishments," she says.
"You have to try to do without punishments by catching children being
good and praising them for it, rather than punishing them for being
naughty."
…………………………………..
Child psychologist Ruth Coppard says the basic principles of discipline
are the same, whatever the child's age.
And one of the major discipline principles, she says, is the withdrawal of
privileges.
"They have to have privileges to start with, before you can withdraw
any.
"And you have to work out what's meaningful to the child, as it's no use
withdrawing a privilege they're not really bothered about."
Ruth says any withdrawal of privileges needs to be tempered - for
example, only stop half, not all, of a child's pocket money, or ground
them for a week or less, rather than a month.
She explains the tactic can also be used cleverly.
One woman she knows was asked for a lift by her son.
The mother said, of course he could have a lift, but he would have to
wait until after she'd tidied his bedroom.
"Nagging isn't the answer, and you shouldn't make threats that you
won't carry out," says Ruth.
"Always be consistent, however you choose to discipline your child."
For a copy of Encouraging Better Behaviour send an SAE to the NSPCC
Public Enquiry Point, 42 Curtain Road, London, EC2A 3NH.
Perhaps you recognise these dolls - I didn't and had to go and check them out before talking to the writer. This is a heavily truncated version of his article - which was fascinating.
The Times Magazine, Saturday December 04, 2004
Valley of the dolls
BY DAVID ROWAN
Move over, Barbie: there are some hot new kids on the block. David Rowan visits Bratz HQ to discover how these ethnically ambiguous, fashion-crazy dolls are winning our tweenagers’ hearts and minds
Richard Landry designs high-end celebrity homes for the likes of Eddie Murphy and Rod Stewart. But today he appears to be winning over that infinitely more fickle customer: a streetwise eight-year-old fashionista from South London. With its Jacuzzi, private lift and sun-deck, Landry’s “deluxe three-storey high-rise apartment” has utterly charmed Robyn Henry, who stares transfixed in her fluffy pink coat and knee-length boots, a white handbag swinging elegantly in time with her beaded hair. “Wow! Look at this!” she calls across Hamleys to the two adult cousins who have brought her here this dank November Saturday. “It’s the coolest thing in the world! That’s what I want for Christmas.”
At £149, Landry’s gaudy plastic dolls’ house won’t win any awards for value. But this is the official 2004 “Bratz Pad”, built for today’s hippest fashion dolls, and brand loyalty is all to consumers like Robyn..
What explains the extraordinary appeal of Bratz, beyond catwalk chic, huge expressive faces, and skin tones that cross ethnic boundaries? How have Meygan, Sasha, Jade, Cloe, Yasmin and their newer friends tapped this mysterious pre-teen psyche in a way that increasingly eludes Barbie? It cannot be price: Hamleys sells the Bratz “Formal Funk” dolls for £29.99, whereas a remarkably similar MyScene range, from Mattel, is £7 cheaper and includes a DVD. Old-style Barbies cost less than £10 - yet for some reason, the store’s Bratzworld section is far busier this Saturday afternoon than Barbie’s magical land of Fairytopia.
The dolls could have been called Fashion Frenzies, Girrlz or Girlfriends, but the name Bratz was suggested by Carter Bryant, another former Mattel employee whose initial drawings Treantafelles felt “exuded the attitude and expression we wanted”. Mattel is now suing Bryant, claiming he secretly worked for MGA while still employed by them; he is countersuing, claiming that Mattel wants to “hijack” Bratz, which he says remained just an idea until after he left. Separately, Mattel is also suing Ronald Brawer, a former employee who in October took over MGA’s sales and marketing divisions. Mattel claims he took with him “highly confidential materials”; MGA describes the writ as “frivolous nonsense” timed to deflect attention from poor quarterly results. (Mattel chose not to respond to anything in this article, beyond stressing that “the Barbie brand has been and continues to be the No 1 brand for girls”.)
Treantafelles never played with Barbie as a girl. “I never understood how I could aspire to be a 30-year-old mummy when I was still trying to get to be ten,” she says. This new doll, then, would be the “anti-Barbie”. “Where Barbie is completely profiled - this is my sister, this is my hobby - Bratz would be whatever you choose it to be. We give you the palette, identify with it as you wish.” She also wanted “to turn Barbie’s proportions upside-down” - hence the oversize head and huge detachable feet. “You’re not idolising something supposed to look like you,” Treantafelles says. “Instead of ‘I should look like that physically’, it’s ‘I want to identify with that’.”….Throughout the company, the lessons are drummed in: eight to ten-year-olds aspire to be 16, and so they will reject toys their younger sisters might play with; edginess and rebelliousness reinforce the independence they crave; they absorb “adult” media messages more completely than may be apparent.
“All these wild emotions are playing in your head when you’re ten,” Treantafelles says. “You want to be pretty, you want to wear fancy clothes. We’re just materialising these wild impulses, no different from Beyoncé or Christina Aguilera.”
“The tween is much more sophisticated than people credit,” Marcy George, US licensing director, says during a merchandising brainstorm session. “I met a designer today who was actually talking about embedding rhinestones into swimwear flippers,” says Holly Stinnett, a senior brand manager. “They’ll be pearlised with glitter, really cool and Bratzy.”
Isaac Larian walks in. “Hey, let’s not give the enemy too much information,” he says. “Frankly, you’ll have a whole room that’s Bratz - her toothbrush, bedding, apparel, basically her whole life. The opposition, meanwhile, is too busy with corporate politics and suing people. Mattel’s boss comes from the cheese industry. [Robert Eckert used to run Kraft Foods.] They don’t see that selling cheese and toys are very different.
“It’s kind of sad,” he continues, “that instead of innovating, the world’s top toy company is imitating. After 45 years of working, maybe it’s time for Barbie to retire.” A more serious question is whether Bratz dolls are sexualising little girls. Last January, a child advocacy group, Stop Commercial Exploitation of Children, led a protest against Bratz and other raunchy dolls outside the International Toy Fair in New York. In a letter sent to the Toy Industry Association, the group spelt out its concerns: “Bratz dolls are highly sexualised dolls with extremely high heels, eyes heavy with make-up, large puffy lips and very skimpy, tightly fitting clothes,” it said. “These dolls are at the forefront of a toy trend that promotes stereotyped and sexualised behaviour that children cannot understand. They make the way bodies look a focus of play and equate self-worth with appearance.”
Another group, Dads and Daughters, is running an e-mail campaign against MGA’s “Secret Date” range of Bratz. “Is there a benefit to anyone but the manufacturer when that toy comes with a seductively dressed female doll, a mystery date, champagne glasses and date night accessories?” it asks. Kay Hymowitz, who has writte
